A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. There's this woman at work who loves e-mailing and instant messaging me for long periods at a time about all sorts of subjects. She is single and on the look out for a man. I have a partner but she knows I am disgruntled and have shown a desire to stray. We've both confessed to having a little crush on others in the department but take fun from finding faults in them. This almost seems like a friendship scenario if it wasn't for the fact that she is very wary of being seen in public with me e.g. communal areas or talking in the canteen. Why is this? Is this because she fancies me but doesn't want tongues to wag in the office? We do not work together - she is round the other side of the building. Clearly though we have great rapport and I am thinking of asking her out for a drink. So, my question is, why would a woman want to spend so much time in covert communications with a man at work without wanting others to openly see them together? Is this because she wants others to think she is still available, rather than leaving herself open to rumours that she and I maybe having a ding-dong? She has other male friends - I've seen her with them around the office. But something tells me I might be a special case... I'm in my late thirties and she is in her late twenties. Do you think she is ashamed of me? The other guys I've seen her with are in their late twenties too. Why would she bother spending so much on-line time with me know that, quite frankly I am likely to ask her out if this continues? Why does she need yet another male friend? Why keep this one a secret? She asks me very few questions about her so-called crush, incidentally, so I do not think she is using me to prepare the ground for the other guy. Shall I ask her out, ladies? Is this what she wants??? Many thanks for your help.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (15 May 2009):
 i think the reason she isnt playing in the daylight is that she doesnt want to be seen as a women breaking a relationship and having an office affair. ask her out for drinks but away from work and ask her all the things that bug you ie why she doesnt spend the same time online as she could at work or what not..but dont do anything whilst in a relationship your not being fair to your partner your not happy then leave dont string her along. you already said you may stray then leave her she could do so much better than you cheating on her and hurting her mentalyl and physically. hope that helps good luck aphex xx
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