A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for 6 years. I've been happy but over the last year I have started to have lustful feelings towards a male friend. I wouldn't want to date him and I would NEVER cheat. But what does this mean? Does it mean that I don't love my boyfriend anymore? I feel I do, but this has confused me. Please advise (and please don't judge, I would never act on it when in a relationship) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (1 March 2014):
 If this is a desire you don't wish to act on in real life, it seems to me that it's more of a fantasy than anything else. And no, it does not mean you don't love your boyfriend. You may be feeling a bit bored or a bit comfortable in your relationship after six years and your brain is going looking for the rush that comes with something new.
Many people, male and female, have fantasies about certain actors or singers or athletes. Of those, quite a few are in happy, committed relationships and would never actually do anything about their crushes. My old college roommate may post photos of shirtless Alexander Skarsgard to Facebook on an almost daily basis, but she's been in a happy and faithful relationship with a mere mortal for ten years now. In your case I think it feels strange to you mainly because the guy you're crushing on happens to be someone you know.
Temptation can actually provide some pretty decent insight into where your relationship needs work if you consider it from that angle. See if you can identify what it is about this new guy that appeals to you, and work on cultivating that in your own relationship if possible. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up.
Good luck and best wishes :)
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