A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some sort of advice, i been driving myself crazy going over and over this issue in my head. I am single no kids never been married.I been dating this man for 3 years things were great as any relationship it has its up and downs. Some of his friends knew about us not all. I do love him we used to talk about a future together. Now things are so different.He has a young son from a previous relationship. According to him the ex-girlfriend and him are not in the best of terms.She asked to move back in with him because of financial reasons and its been a year. He agreed to it. He never told her that he had some one new in his life. I asked why he said to avoid problems. I can only see him when she is at work and it a mon to thurs schedule.He feels that i should be understanding and be supportive.I been hoping to see some sort of changes in his home situation, there has not been nothing done. Only thing that has change is his personality, now he is quick to anger say hurtful things n be extremely rude. I have brought this to his attention and only reason i get is he is stressed out. I met his young son, but he made a point to tell me not to say we were together. Should i expect to live in the shadows until when?Why can he introduce me to his ex if there nothing there?Why the secrecy of our relationship ? Am i begin unreasonable in asking to be a more presence in his life(not asking to be a mom to his son that is a sacred relationship)?Why am i the one that needs to be more understanding?But why do i feel like the other woman? Why is there a need to have a double life?Why can he see the damage / hurt he is causing me? Is there any point in trying to save this relationship?Or any form of future?Why is he keeping me around when he can not give the relationship i deserve?Any form of insight any one can give me i will truly appreciated
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at work, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 March 2013):
 No you are not blowing things out of proportion or asking too much
the key is this "I can only see him when she is at work and it a mon to thurs schedule.
because you are his dirty little secret... he's actually with the live in... you are the other woman...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to thank you all for the advice. It gave me reassurance that i was not blowing things out of proportion, nor asking for too much.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 He's treating you as the other woman because clearly that's what you are. She is the legit one, you are plan B.
He complains because you are not supportive of the situation ?... I can't believe that !
This is just like a guy punching you hard in your face, then complaining that you are not supportive enough of his bruised knuckles.
Don't bother anymore " bringing up " issues with him, he could not care less. He is not KEEPING you around, it's you who are staying at his terms and conditions, which are not going to change any time soon.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have also stated that he did it to be closer to his son. Also because he is afraid that if he does not do this he can lose his son for good. He does not want to take any form of legal action towards her. Our arguements are because he does not feel that am being supportive enough and we no longer have an intimate relationship. I have brought all these points to him that all you all have shared with me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): "Should i expect to live in the shadows until when?"
Until you wise up.
"Why can he introduce me to his ex if there nothing there?"
Because there's something there.
"Why the secrecy of our relationship ?"
Because he doesn't want his shack-up girlfriend/baby mama to know he's cheating on her.
"Am i begin unreasonable in asking to be a more presence in his life(not asking to be a mom to his son that is a sacred relationship)?"
He'll continue to think you're being unreasonable as long as he's shacking up with his baby mama.
"Why am i the one that needs to be more understanding?"
Because he's the one that has something to hide.
"But why do i feel like the other woman?"
Because you are the other woman.
"Why is there a need to have a double life?"
Because he knows his shack-up girlfriend/baby mama will dump him the second she discovers that you exist.
"Why can he see the damage / hurt he is causing me?"
He knows what he's doing to you but he doesn't care as long as he doesn't get caught.
"Is there any point in trying to save this relationship?"
What relationship? You're his piece on the side.
"Or any form of future?"
No. You're his piece on the side.
"Why is he keeping me around when he can not give the relationship i deserve?"
He's not keeping you around, you're staying around when he can not give you the relationship you deserve.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 I think he had decided to get back with his ex. Financially it's easier and he gets to be with his son more often, if they had a child together. He's asking you to understand his cowardly way of expressing it. Not meeting you, not talking, and being angry. The double life is for people who want the cake and eat it too. He finds this stressful so he finds it easier to reunite the family than to hide things, running back and forth. You have to talk to him and tell him he doesn't have to deal with this struggle anymore because you are looking for someone who can give to you full time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): O, my god, of course he is back with her again, of course you are now his mistress On a side. Not even all his friends know about you?!! There's no doubt in my mind that there is no future here for you. He lives with a mother of his child, and this is how it will be.
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