A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I have been dating this guy for about 3 years now,we go to the same university!But before he met me he was crazily in love with a crush on a fellow student.. They were in the same class and he was head over heels in love with her. Yet when he summed up the courage to ask her out,she said no,he was heart broken he wept for days,and they didn't speak for a few months!now after about a year or so he met me,and we have been dating! Now he and his former said crush started talking again,they text not all the time.At first it was very occasional,and she asked him about his girlfriend which is 'me'.He didn't tell her about me first!he never brings me up in conversations!Anyways for the past couple of months they have been texting often and about 3 days ago they were talking about marriage and she said in a joking way how he and I would be married someday ..His response to this was 'we don't know what's in store for us,for now let's just go with the flow'..I know I should not have read his texts but I did,because I'm insecure..and they were talking abt how both partners should adjust when married He told her she should adjust not only her partner and then he tells her "well you act all tough on the outside but I know you'll be a caring and loving wife'.. Please tell me agony aunts am I missing something here?should I be worried!
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (6 April 2013):
 You boyfriend was pining for her love and she rejected him. He probably still has some feelings and/or lust for her, which is why he is currently talking to her. You know how it is....Ever been dumped or rejected by a guy who you really wanted but couldn't have? And you wanted them even more because you couldn't have them? Same thing with your boyfriend.
They're not friends. He was in love with her and he wanted to date her. She rejected him and now BOTH are carrying on a non-platonic relationship. Do you talk to any guy friends like that? I bet you don't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): Oof. I would not like that. He doesn't mention you to her, he is non chalant about his future/feelings for you, they talk about personal stuff like marriage, he compliments her about personal stuff such as her wife potential. And then the mere fact that he's always chatting with her. Yeah I'd be worried. It sounds like they are developing an emotional bond behind your back. Cheating of the mind is still cheating. This is toatally inappropriate. If I were you I would confront him. But make it seem like you found out by "accident." You gotta play innocent otherwise he'll turn it around on you and be mad at you for snooping. Wait for a good moment to catch her texting him. For instance, he's in the shower and his phone goes off and it's her. Tell him his phone went off right in front of you while he was in the shower, you werent snooping, you merely glanced as a natural reflex and saw it was a text from this girl which struck you as kinda inappropriate. Act like you didn't know he was talking to her and make it seem like the text you saw seemed alarming. You got suspicious and you looked through his texts and saw all the old conversations. Then BOOM. Ask him what's going. Let him explain. Guarantee you if you play it like this he's going to feel like shit. You have to expose him, but do it wisely like I explained above. Let him explain himself to you, he is likely going to justify it. Then it's up to you to let him know how you feel about what you saw/what's going on and how much you are willing to tolerate. Regardless of whether he justifies it or not, if this is something you find inappropriate and don't feel comfortable about, you need to let him know. You can't tell him what to do but you can tell him how you feel. If he continues to be dismissive of your feelings then you should end things with him. You don't deserve to be a scorned girlfriend. That's where it seems this is leading.
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