A
female
age
41-50,
*utterflygale
writes:Hey guys forgive me for the long question but that's just how far the problems stretch. I have a family relationship problem going on. I am 31 yr old female and a first born in a family of 2 girls and 2 boys. My mother has raised us as single parent since I was 8yrs old with the help of her sister. For the past four years, I have been living with my sibblings near the university I was doing graduate school and working. I get a fair amount of money, and God usually blesses me with scholarships so I have never REALLY been financially constrained. For the past at least five years, I have been helping my family financially interms of their school fees and health care for my mum who is hypertensive. The problem I am going thru now is that I feel no one in my family cares about me. Whenever I try to correct my siblings from doing something wrong like staying out till 2am, making noise etc, they sulk with me. Once one of my brothers told me I make noise at him because I pay his tuition fees. I felt really offended by that statement that I have never forgotten it todate. His behaviour seems to be moulded by his needs. when he needs money, he will behave, as soon as he feels ok, he will start ignoring me, being disrespectful etc. My sister who has worked for the past one year, I feel is selfish with her money. She earns more than I do, but it's a struggle to get her to share buying basic needs in the house including her own beddings.Right now, she is using my handbag coz hers got torn! My mum never tries to talk my siblings out of their wrong behaviours even when I complain, so I imagine she agrees with them. Our last born is my only friend in the family coz at least he is apologetic. As I was finishing graduate school I got a terrible eczema coz I believe I was stressed but none of my family cared not even my mum gave me one phone call to ask how I was doing.I have told her how all the siblings' behaviours are making me feel and how I need her to help me out but she keeps promising but does nothing. I am beginning to think she does not care about me as well. There is a plan for my sister and I to go sort out buying some family property on Friday but I just want to make an excuse. I plan to give my share of the money but not go coz first I have lost the commitment I had to the family, I am also really tired as I am trying to relocate my young brother to another school(he was dismissed) and thirdy because I fear my eczema my flare up since the condtion there is a bit harsh for my skin. I feel frustrated coz I gave my family my whole and no cares for me? I am single, no children of my own..but developing really nicely in my career. Guys, please help, am I overreacting? Thanks, God bless you all.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (16 August 2011):
 I think you are right to be upset!
""Whenever I try to correct my siblings from doing something wrong like staying out till 2am, making noise etc, they sulk with me. Once one of my brothers told me I make noise at him because I pay his tuition fees."
You have taken on the role of Mother and parent, so thus you have put out some discipline. Mothers are often unappreciated and your brothers are taking advantage of you. So, dole out some consequences. Offer to NOT PAY tuition. He might change his sour tune.
but it's a struggle to get her to share buying basic needs in the house including her own beddings.Right now, she is using my handbag coz hers got torn!
Then do NOT buy what she needs. If she doesnt have it..let her BUY it.
My mum never tries to talk my siblings out of their wrong behaviours even when I complain, so I imagine she agrees with them.
If your Mum is still of sound mind, I would let her know that you will not be responsible for selfish adults. You will help HER, but she needs to be on the same team for the good of the family.
" I am beginning to think she does not care about me as well. There is a plan for my sister and I to go sort out buying some family property on Friday but I just want to make an excuse.""
Why are you planning to contribute financially to this mess? You should be seeking out your OWN residence. Maybe it is time to stop playing the role of the dutiful daughter.
"I feel frustrated coz I gave my family my whole and no cares for me? I am single, no children of my own..but developing really nicely in my career."
No, you are UNDERREACTING. Take the ownership of your own life dear. You are giving your family way too much imput and control. You are permitting them to steal your joy.
If you had more of your own life, not only would your career flourish, but you would have more of a social life.
They take too much because you give too much.
A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 I don't think you are over-reacting at all. It's natural to expect appreciation and kindness from those we help. I think you are doing a great job helping your family. I do also think that your kindness is being taken for granted and you have taken the role of your mother somewhat in caring for your siblings. Your siblings have learnt to lean on you for what they need financially and you have given in too often. If you want things to change, you have to change yourself. Learn to say no. If your siblings are old enough to be out at 2am, they are old enough to earn their own money. You need to start caring about yourself more. The eczema you experienced should be a wake-up call to you that you need to look after yourself. Put yourself first. Your sister needs a handbag? Tell her to buy one, when she does, borrow it!
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