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female
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*zzyStradlin
writes: Hi, I'm sat here upset and confused and need some sort of advice. I've been seeing my boyfriend for the last 5 months, in which time i've fallen head over heels in love with him. I can't imagine life without him. The thing is it keeps crossing my mind that maybe he is just in it for sex. He knows I love him and he constantly tells me he feels the same. But i'm the romantic one, I'm the one that always calls, I'm the one who can't stand to be without him. I have a very high sex drive and so does he, so as you can imagine are we are pretty much at it like rabbits. But the reason I enjoy it is i love the closeness and intimacy. but I'm begining to doubt if he's just with me for sex. Today for example he was going to a party, i was invited but due to an incident with one of his friends over my boyfriend, i didn't want to go. I ended up in tears because i felt really used and alone and my boyfriend started crying when he saw me crying but then left me curled up in a ball crying and went off to his party. When i have been really ill before he's done the same. I'd love to think he loves me and sometimes i do but its just he seems really uncaring at times but sometimes he is caring. I don't know what to do, i dont want to be with someone that is using me for sex, if i wanted that i'd go find someone i didnt care about so they couldn't hurt me. Anyone got any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Why are you telling him that he is perfect when he clearly is NOT? im a man and i like to cuddle and kiss my misses, outside the bedroom we are very affectionate, it all depends on wot u will put up with!!!!!!!!
oh yeah 1 more thing the phone thing, if he misses you or thinks about you when your not together then he would fone you so dont put up with it
(KICK HIM TO THE CURB)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2006): Hi, I think you missed the point of my original answer to your question...I did not say that you did not have a social life, or have friends, or that you are some pathetic person...one thing that is clear is that you seem to be a little hyper sensitive to what others say to you, and focus on the negative message that you hear your thoughts telling you instead of the message that is intended which is that perhaps you may be, just may be creating your own problem by a) your behavior of being a little too needy and a little too clingy and a little too intense with your boyfriend and b). you go off the deep end and think that he is just in it for the sex when he goes off to a party without you just this once...seriously don't you think that 5 months into a relationship is not that long, and that maybe being inmeshed in eachother's lives is a little stressful on a new relstionship? Learn to lean on your friends a bit more for emotional support or learn to shore yourself up when you are feeling down instead of looking for your boyfriend to fill you up, you even have him doubting himself and his capacity to be a good boyfriend...unless I am missing something because you are leaving out the details if the worse thing he has done is not phone you up every 5 minutes, and he cries when you are sick or upset, he sounds like he does have the capacity for emotional connection and he is showing that to you at the most needed times...so give him some space, give him some trust and have some confidence in yourself that you are fine on your own, nothing makes a guy run faster than to think that he is with a needy, emotionally starved woman, men want to feel that they are with someone whom they can lean on emotionally at times, too...so hang tough, OK?
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female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (8 October 2006):
 II just had to add my answer to your question, for I know how you feel. because I have been there before feeling the same way you do. You have been together for 5 months, and he tells you that he loves you also!! That is good! I would worry if he stopped say that altogether. That is a plus
Because you love this man so much and that you can't see your life without him, I have been down that same road as you. The thought of losing him would be so devastating for you to even think about. That is when you probably get those feelings that you think he just wants you for sex. Stop worrying about that, it has caused you to have those thoughts!! Gee it's like answering my own question, I have been going through the same exact thoughts as you!!!
Your guy also has feelings for you....it upsets him to see you cry (and he cried also when he saw you....that shows feelings) Alot of guys don't like to see the ones they love sick....and it probably bothers him to see you so ill. (I know that my guy is the same way, and it scares him when he sees me so sick!!) So, have patience in that area.
I don't know if you have done this before: Do something special for him, cook him his favorite meal (remember the way to a man's heart is through his stomach)..get something hot and sexy lingerie on, have champagne on ice with lots of candle-light and sexy music on the cd player...he would love that and he will Love you for it!!!
I hope that I helped you out a bit...I know how you feel I know that it will just get better, just believe and pray...everything will work out for the two of you..I know it worked out for me when I stopped worrying about it and let things go with the flow!! Please let me know how it goes with you, ok?
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female
reader, IzzyStradlin +, writes (8 October 2006):
IzzyStradlin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk i think you've got the wrong inpression... im not some pathetic person with no life that totally focuses on him, my friends are huge to me, as is my band and my social life, However i do expect a phone call now and again and atleast see him once a week because i want it to work and i love him. I have backed off , he has every chance to show something outside the bedroom, he just chooses not to. I don't see what wrong with me being romantic, i want to do things that are speical otherwise what would be the point in a relationship.. its my way of keeping stuff fresh and maybe showing physically that i love him rather emotionally. Thanks Baby girl for the advice... However i've sat down and spoke to him and he gets upset and constantly puts himself down as a boyfriend untill the point where i back down and go "no you're perfect"
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2006): You say you can't imagine life without him, that you are the romantic one that always calls him, and that the two of you are like rabbits sexually. Here may be a clue to why you are suspecting that he is in it just for the sex: you are making all the big overatures towards him, maybe not allowing him any breathing space, so he does not have many chances to show you with his actions outside of the bedroom how he feels about you...If I were you I would not put all my emotional needs in one basket, the basket of your boyfriends constant attention...you can't get everything you need in life from one person, nor is that healthy, nor is that love, it is dependency...work on being interdependent with each other, where you work together as partners on lifes big issues and small daily ones, but be your own person, have a life outside of this relationship so you can come to it with something new every day, your boyfriend is a new person every day as are you, do you stop to look at that new person and guage what is going on with him? So, yeah, take a breath and a little breather from him and you will feel better in the morning. Cheers!
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