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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi all,I am an emotional woman when i am in love. But when i am not, i am fine, i am strong and steady, i am kind of boyish tho. I could do anything for him when i am in love, i care so much untill it left me in depression. Maybe i have see love on the top of everything in my life, when i have love, i have it all, when i loose it , i lost all. That make me a miserable person.I took 2 years to get over a complete fool. It was with a guy online.. we have been online for three years. Maybe i am naive, i believed in true love, i never give up no matter what.. at the end, i finally wake up and accept the truth i could never accept. He is one of those online cheater..he gets my company when he is lonely and even cybersex. That is rediculous. But i did it because i love him. Well, i even get into trouble taking photos for him and someone hack into my computer, it is spreaded on the internet. That was bad. He left me. I survived through that, i moved to another country to do my uni. But i still get in contact with him from time to time in my first year and second year. Just to see how he is. I don't know why i did that. I just can't seem to get over it. But finally, i got over it. I moved on my with my life after i have pass the 5 level of grief. When i finished my uni on my third year, i came online to check on him again, he told me he still love me and ask me to go to his country and he would marry me... For god sake,this time, i could clearly see that is a lie and that is not love, my heart is finally death and aware of the reality. I took so long to get over him. So, in the second year, i met a new guy through Friendster. I just want a friend at first, but we chat day and night on the net, we seem to be very compatible and happy with the companion we gave to each other. We have become good friends. So one day we met, he turned out as someone who wouldn't impress me on anything. So, instead of running away, i choose to say hi to him politely and have a lunch with him. He came out with all this jokes which isn't funny, i forced myself to smile to every of his jokes. But from what i can tell after going to this lunch is he is pretty pure and naive and he don't deserve this.. he is a nice fellow.. but yeah, no way that i will like him.......so he came online and talk to me after that, he was really impressed by me, because he thinks i am pretty...i told him about what i thought of him honestly, and he couldn't accept it. But we are still friend and happily chatting after that. I am always boring..i constantly look for something to occupied myself, be it swimming or get someone out for a drink or so....he asked me out for a second time, i went because i have nothing better to do that day..he dressed up in formal, like how those working ppl will dress...hmm...i haven't see any guy who is at there 20s and have no sense of dressing..yes, he looks great.. but i don't, i just wear whatever i can grab with a thong. So, when we went back, he came online and gave me so much shit on what i wear. I even cried on what he said. He comforts me and everything. We joke and chat again. For a long time, we didn't see each other but we chat everyday..the feeling grow from there and we started to go out and stuff..finally, i sort of accepted him.. and later then, i fell in love with him. We had our first sex together. Everything is great, until problem happen, i am haunted by my past and i told him all about my ex before we begin. But i am still haunted by my past, you could say i dig up something that i shouldn't dig up when i am all happy and in love. He comforts me once, twice, thrice..and he got fedup of it. He just changed into somone who will just not say anything about and not care about it anymore....it get more and more emotional and developed all these insecure feeling....and seek for his comfort.. but he never did....all he said is, if i keep thinking in this way no one could help me. but when i think a lot, i think of good and bad things, i could be insecure on what he said because he didn't say it in a 100% yes or no way.. he said it in a way that left me room for my own imigination on what it will mean.... i could say, my thinking is not normal as i am sad...so i tend to think of the negative way until he comes to tell me this is exactly what he means.....Maybe he has get sick of always hav to explain and evalute further on what he says .. like as if i never understand what he say straight away.. as if we don't have any connection..i do get it straight away but later then i rethink about it.. i questioned myself, does he mean it by the positive way or negative way? so i asked to get reassurance from him.. when we were still friend nad when we just get together, he will clarify that. But now, he won't do it anymore. If i ever ask him or write email to him about that.. he will never reply.When we just get together, whenever i am unsure about stuff, he would clarify it and when i feel insecure.. he will do all those nice things like sending flowers before i go to exam,etc... now, it has all disappearedI think he is selfish. I do admit i have drive him crazy by acting like this too. I asked him if he still love me, he said yes.Should i continue with him? He said he has too much to worry about at the moment as he is in his final year and busy applying for jobs, doing assignments, and trading shares. I think it is just excuses, he never call me, he would never msg me first on MSN. Should i even need to think about continuing this relationship under this circumstances? when i am the one who call and when i am the one who msg him and email him? There is a lot more for me to deal with too at the moment. As i said, i went to overseas to study and i met him. I do not belongs there, i went back to my own country after i finished my study. I do not know where my future lay..i am trying to apply for permanent residency to go back there but i haven't launch the application yet due to its many requirements, i need to get things ready.. Should i even put myself in this much trouble consider the situation like this? going back is not easy, i faced dilemma about jobs and whether if i will get the premanent residency..if i spend all my time and effort to get that and i didn't get that, i would be devastated....
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cybersex, fell in love, flowers, insecure, msn, my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (6 April 2006):
 Dearie, wow! You are tied up in alot of emotional distress at the moment.it even seems to be killing your new relationship. You are right, the guy you are dating seems like a nice fellow and you must agree that it isnt fair that what you are putting him through even though i feel it isnt your fault since it is unintentional.
You have to sort out all that is bothering you. what you must understand is that sometimes once partner cant really help depending on the situation. He has been trying though and i know that he probably gets frustrated becos he doesnt like seeing you down. This could be true if he still admits he loves you and he believes you need to sort those problems out and to me he is giving you time to do that.
I would suggest you seek counselling to help you recover yourself. You obviously are lonely and in need for a person to talk to constantly and that is what they are there for. people view counselling with negative meanings but it does help build you up.
With the job issue you have to weigh your options and consider the localities. you have to think of yourself first now. sorting your problems and all. Your relationship shouldnt be your first priority. all the others affect it. Try get yourself a job in your home country if u can while you are working on your permit. This should give you the perfect break so use this time to sort out yourself with counselling and get yourself back on your feet. going back is your decision but if u do get the permit and u decide to do that then u should at least have had some form of counselling and can handle your relationship better. u even can continue it overseas if u still feel u need it.
I sincerely wish u the best and i hope i have been able to help you a little. keep us posted about everything.
Goodluck.
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