A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been with my partner for 19 years, we are both 35, have 4 children, a happy family life, very satisfying sex life, we are great "friends" as well as partners... I could not imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else....But....There is this guy, actually my best friend's younger brother, He also has a partner, 1 child and another on the way. For the past 11 years I've fantasized about him. Nothing has ever happened between us and we have very little contact, only social occasions held by my friend. But... Whenever we are at these gatherings the chemistry is amazing... I feel his presence before I see or hear him. We have flirted a little but never any physical contact and have both said that we should've hooked up earlier on in life... It's been 5 years since I've seen or spoke to him. Recently I sent him a text wishing him happy birthday and congradulating him on his growing family.. that's all, nothing else.. he called me back and was so excited to hear from me, then told me he always thinks of me and he too feels the connection.. I wish I hadn't heard this as now I cannot stop thinking about him... We had a couple of phone calls where the conversation got quite hot, talked of opportunities we could've had and so on... I'm not "in love" with him, I love my partner and would never hurt him... Why do I think of this guy so much?? It is truly starting to consume me... I'm wanting to hear his voice, thoughts of meeting up, I try not too think like this and feel terrible for his partner and mine as I would not like it if my partner had thoughts and feelings like this about another woman. Why is this happening and how do I stop before it goes any further....? I have never before imagined I would cheat on my partner, but I would have the hardest time knocking him back.... Please Help Me
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Dear Poster
You are dealing with fantasies and chemistry; you are allowing this to absorb your thoughts and are starting to give more and more time to this; You need to change your thoughts, you need to stop thinking about this guy and to stop the fantasies around him; stop imagining how great and wonderful the sex would be with him; oh, it is difficult, but okay, let's try and be realistic and change your thoughts; imagine this steaming hot sexual encounter with this guy, and then your husband and his wife walks in on you; imagine the hurt, the pain, the turmoil; imagine the picture; him jumping up grabbing a towel, trying to console his almost histerical wife; you sitting on the bed, covering your face with guilt and shame, your husband standing there; what will you say to him, you might start crying; he turns his back on you and walk out of the door;
I want you to really close your eyes and imagine the scenario; once you have imagined this picture; can you feel your hurt, the resentment, the criticism, your shame and guilt; can you imagine your husbands face?
Now, once you have done this exercise; try and imagine being in this guys arms again; does it feel the same? I bet not.
Always remember:the mind and our thoughts are very powerful; BUT you control your mind;
I suggest you replace your thoughts of lust and attraction to him with other thoughts and you will lose the attraction towards him. Don't give those thoughts towards him the power to influence you; neutralize them; do as I suggested above whenever you think about him and you will discover that the attraction towards him will disappear; because you are replacing your thoughts.
Hope this is of assistance; keep me posted.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): I believe it's the thrill of the forbidden... something new, something different. 19 years is a very long time to be with someone and perhaps you are just a little bored with your relationship. But if the man you are with treats you so well, do you really want to risk it for what could be just a fling? It's okay to have fantasies about others, but fantasizing and actually acting on a fantasy are two entirely different things. You are both in stable, supposedly happy relationships. Perhaps it's best to leave it at that. I can see a lot of hurt ahead for all parties involved if you act on these feelings.
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