A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been single now for 15 months. My husband passed away very suddenly and I am left looking after our two boys. I have known a man to just say hi to for about 5 years, but for the last three months we have been texting, emailng and talking on the phone every day. We have opened up to eachother a lot, and have spent some time together too as friends. I told him I wasn't used to the attention and he has helped me through some difficult times through his texts and kind wods. He recently sent me an email telling me he is grateful for our friendship and that he cherishes what we have created. He makes me feel cared for and wanted but I am not sure how he really feels, is this all he wants from me or is he just treading carefully. I know I should be grateful for a friendship that can be this honest, but I am attracted to him but don't want to scare him off. Am I reading this wrong?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (17 October 2009):
 It's such a shame the anonymous poster who wrote "Well, if he's single and..." left no name - that is a superb answer!
I agree with every word...
Go for it girl - and Good Luck!
Steve
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): Well, if he's single and he previously kept his distance only to move closer to you now, then I'd say he's interested. If he's not single, I'd say he's enjoying being a hero. (Actually, he's probably enjoying that any ways. He sounds very kind!)Sounds like to me he's interested but trying to give you plenty of time and room to grieve and adjust to life without your husband. You didn't mention how long ago your husband passed away. If it was just a few months ago, you'll need time. If it was a year or two ago then you probably have done your grieving and are ready to take those tentative first steps towards new relationships. If you have an honest enough friendship, you might want to start off with telling him you've been thinking about re-entering the dating world but you're nervous. TELL HIM all your fears. Don't make it specific to him but say things like how you worry about someone being there for your sons, how they may react to men who aren't their father, etc. His responses should give you a bit of insight into his feelings. (ie: if he says "Well I hope you meet someone wonderful" and suggests a dating site, he might be gently telling you he's not interested. If he says "Any man would be lucky to have you" he's probably interested.) Keep in mind this man knew you while your husband was alive so he's probably feeling scared of ruining this, too. How does he admit that he's secretly happy that you're now available without sounding calloused? It probably breaks his heart that your boys lost their father at the same time fate is giving him a chance with you. It's a touchy situation. I think it's your resonsibility to give yourself some time, grieve as needed and then YOU decide when you're ready to open up to new love. It's also your responsibility to communicate openly with whoever that new love may be. However if it moves too quickly it could seem like you're after something else - like a paycheck to ensure you and your boys are taken care of - so be careful not to give off this vibe. (I don't think that's what you're after at all. It's just wise to not move too quickly with these things.) Do you have more info you could share? It might hint at his feelings more obviously to us outsiders. :) Seriously though, men don't usually open up to women unless they love them.
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