A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've just gotten in a relationship with this friend who I've liked for a long time, and I'm so happy. But.He is so incredibly honest and it's in my nature to be deceitful so people "see" the "best" in "me", but he see's straight past that and inspires an honesty in me I can't ignore, which makes a problem.I really desperately want to tell him that I self-harmed and that I smoked. He has a really low opinion of smokers, but I can't hide this because I feel so consumed with guilt because I gave the impression I've never smoked. Also, initially, because I didn't want to scare him, I told him the 'marks' on my wrist were because of a dog. (They weren't.). The only reason I did that is because I didn't feel good enough for him and the only reason I smoked was because I wanted to feel something like he made me feel - alive (ironically!). I wanted to destroy me, basically. It was dumb but I missed him so much, we all do stupid things. I stopped because fags shorten your lifespan and I want as much of my life as I can with him. I stopped self-harming because he makes me forget how to be self concious. He's an angel.I'm so terrified. I don't want to lose him. I'm meeting up with him to talk about this, to tell him all the above. I'm so scared he'll run away though. But I have to be honest.How can I go about phrasing the above in the best possible way so he doesn't walk away? I love him, I can't lose him, not now. Please help, I'm desperate to be honest with him, but I'm not used to telling the truth, but it's what he deserves :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, abeautifulday  +, writes (25 July 2014):
Just be honest, if he loves you, he will understand. It's your past, and what's in the past is the past.You realized that smoking and self harm were wrong, and you learned from it. He should be able to accept you for who you are, including the minor mistakes you made in your life, if he doesn't, he is not the right guy for you. We all want to be perfect for our lovers, and want them to look at us and be proud of us, but we are only human, and im sure he has done things he regrets in his past too.
A
female
reader, confusedcupid +, writes (25 July 2014):
 Tell him exactly this: look, because i know you look down upon smokers (and quite rightly too) i sort of lied about the kind of person i used to be. Dont worry, its nothing awful but i went through a phase of self harm and smoking. As soon as i realised that what i was doing was wrong i stopped. It was a long time ago but i understand if you hate me now. I really hope you will forgive me for lying. Thank you for listening to this you can say whatever you want.
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