A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've come to realize that my behavior is rather neurotic when it comes to being in a relationship. And along the lines of that 'you can't love someone else until you love yourself' philosophy, I don't really think I can be a good girlfriend until I get over my own issues.I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now, and as we get closer, I find myself becoming more and more possessive and paranoid. At first, it didn't really matter if he called me or not, things were very casual. But now I feel like I absolutely have to know what he's doing every second of everyday. I almost literally spend the day looking at my phone, waiting for him to call or text. If I call him and he doesn't answer the phone, I become furious. (I don't ever let him know this, but I spend the evenings brooding over it). For example, we're in a bit of a long distance relationship (an hour drive from each other) and we have conflicting work schedules, so we really don't see each other that often. I got off work earlier than expected one evening, so I called him and we made plans to meet up and have a drink. Then a few minutes later he called me back saying that some friends called him and he decided to go out with them instead. Granted, that IS a bit rude, but I was fuming. I told him that I was disappointed, but that it wasn't a bit deal. Then I pretended that I was going to make plans with some of my friends too (which I should have, but was too angry to have a good time) and I ended up not being able to sleep at all that night cause I was so angry!This mind set is really becoming a burden. I spend way too much time scared to the point of near panic (thinking things like "he probably lied about such and such" and "he's probably with another girl right now" etc.) or furious over things that really aren't that big of a deal. Also, since I've suddenly become so... "obsessive" I've stopped hanging out with my friends or doing anything productive.Now, I know that this isn't a good way to be behaving. And, when I look at it objectively, I know it's not a reasonable reaction. But I can't seem to help the feelings I get. Like I know in my head I shouldn't get mad over certain things, but I still do.So can anyone out there understand this craziness, and maybe give me some advice on how to just CHILL OUT?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks!
You know, therapy is something that I've always thought about, as I think it could really help me. But how practical is it? I mean, I'm a college student making minimum wage with no insurance. I've always thought that sort of thing was pretty expensive, so I don't know if it's really an option...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): You are on the winning path! You realize your mistakes and you are willing to do something about that! Well done, not many people are prepared to do that.
There are lots of books and information available but I want to suggest that you consider therapy, as there might be some underlying issues, maybe even from childhood that is causing these insecurities within you and causing you to react this way.
Once the root of the problem is dicovered and treated it will already be easier to deal with these problems, but you will also be taught ways how to over come these FEARS, creating your reaction.
It is always good to work on ourselves and to improve ourselves, makes life much more interesting and relationships more rewarding.
Best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I was the same as you and sometimes still am! you need to keep yourself busy go out do thing hang out with friends....Dont let him know these things becasue it will scare him away try to be casual around him...Men tent to not like clingy girls.....if you act more casual his more likley to respond to you that if you were constandly calling him or getting obsessive, I hope this helps
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