A
female
age
41-50,
*ittieS
writes:Hello everyone,This is a statement, a little bit of a story, question, a call for help and advise...The statement: Single ladies stop kissing frogs your better than that, look up you might just find your Prince Charming stuck up a tree or something... I went through a horrible, literally soul destroying relationship (will write about it at some point soon in my column section) then went out with a bloke who seemed like Prince Charming but wasn't. I then took a very male opinion to sex and relationships and had a lot of fun doing it, whilst being safe!!! Found myself, then I finally knew what I wanted in a relationship at the grand old age of 35. Then I met my Prince Charming, all the things I thought suggested a man loved me went out the window, because this man loves me. He shows me with words, with actions, he remembers things that are important to me, he listens when I'm feeling the need to talk, he asks my opinion on things and listens and takes them on board he makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive... And the big thing he accepts my faults, he knows I'm not perfect but he doesn't want to change me. The question: why isn't there more information for ladies of my age, who have had very successful careers, not been settled enough to have children of their own, but wanted them who are now delving into relationships with wonderful men who happen to be full time dads? I've always wanted children, I have never been in that position to feel safe enough to have them because I have certain views on these things.I have met his children, they are lovely I've been introduced as a friend they are 4 and 6, he has shared custody (actually they spend more time with him) but he also works full-time but around his children (works hours to suit them - a very lucky position to be in) I am keen to hear from ladies in my position, and how they found taking their relationship to the next level and beyond, I love this man, he loves me, I've not stayed at his house with the children there yet it's at such an early stage... It's a mine field for me having had no children of my own and having lived on my own for four years. Over to you guys x
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female
reader, KittieS +, writes (7 January 2014):
KittieS is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello
Yes I do understand completely, me just sharing my thoughts and feelings :) something I need to keep in my mind as important too.
ultimately, I do want what is best for all if us, so it's very much when it's right we will take that step, of moving in and of course that is going to be a little while yet :) I just hope come next Christmas we can have a Christmas meal together would be so lovely :)
We will get there, thank you so much for taking the time to reply it's valuable advise
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (7 January 2014):
KittieS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is funny :) I think with time we just have to see what happens and trust ourselves to make the right decision, from what I've read there is no set amount of time that could be right for some it could be a year, others two, some five years others never - we shall have to see how things progress. For me two years more seems too long mostly because of my age and my own wants and needs, and these are important too.I'm keen to put the others first it's the kind of person I am, but what I've seen a lot of is ladies who didn't think about themselves all that much and that was as bad as those who put their needs above everyone else's - there has to be a balance between everyone's needs including my own, it seems from the forums I've found that's easy to forget sometimes and as the new-commer and this doesn't happen so much where the mother is the primary care holder the new commer's feelings can be pushed out a little bit especially when a vindictive ex is involved and sadly I fear I have one of these to deal with.It's going to be challenging that is for sure but were get through it, I think an annoymous blogg is needed to explain it all
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (6 January 2014):
KittieS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank youTaking everything very slowly, they just see me another adult friend at the moment, which is good when I met them they had seen there mum recently and we chatted about her for a bit, that's great in my mind I keep my thoughts to myself (find I have to keep a lot if feelings to myself, which can prove difficult but it will be worth it) I have been with my boyfriend in boyfriend/girlfriend mode for six months but known each other for quite a bit longer, so I know this person very well :) also sometimes you do just know and I just want to get as much advise, understand peoples experiences etc I agree on the naming, I was very young when my step-dad joined our family, apparently I was really embarrassing as every man my mumMet be that the milkman, postman, teacher I would ask "are you my new dad" Thanks again
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (6 January 2014):
KittieS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the book recommendation, I' will certainly give this a try!
I am happy to help, thanks for getting in touch. Been together almost six months, both very much in love with each other and have discussed what our future looks like which includes the two littles marriage and children together in the future - we have had lots of very open discussions. So yes very much wanting to be with my man and his littles :) I wouldn't have gone this far with our relationship if not :)
What I noticed when googling for advise, I want to be fully prepared every step of the way, and this phase is staying over when the littles are there, and how we just love forward I just want us all to be happy :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2014): Try getting hold of a book called "Happy Kids" by Cathy Glass. Her book has a section in it dedicated entirely to step-parenting (as well as sections for teachers, nannies, baby-sitters etc). It's a pretty good read anyway as are all her books. (She mainly writes autobiographical novels about some of the children she has fostered.)The main points she covers area) Consistency in parenting and expectations (e.g. house rules, routines and disciplining) so all people involved in child-rearing reach an agreement on how these issues are approached and enforced. Therefore the kids aren't subjected to two different sets of rules which can be confusing for them (and at worst can encourage children to start playing their significant adults off against each other). This may mean that you have to develop a working relationship with their mum as well (if possible)b) Don't disagree with either parent's parenting skills in front of the kids. Save it until they'e asleep or at schoolc) Don't lampoon your partners ex no matter how awful their behaviour. Kids find it really confusing when someone they love is constantly criticising someone else they love. When they've been spending time at their mum's listen to their stories and be pleased that they've had a good time.d) When you first move in, don't suddenly start making great changes to the home, either to the rules/routines or physically (redecorating, room swaps etc). Make these changes gradually and with the children's input where possible.Good luck. I'm sure you'll be fine
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