A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I moved to the USA 9 years ago. I married an American. We have had the usual ups and downs but apparently now he wants to call it a day. He has gone up North to his family and I am left here with my 15 year old son from a previous marriage and our 8 year old daughter.He said that he knows it is him and that he is selfish but he just wants to be single again. He has a part time job (here where we live) and works with much younger people, he is nearly 40. He had been hanging out with them until 3,4,5am in the morning after work and it was causing problems obviously.He has called the kids most nights acting as if nothing is wrong and I am the one left with the children's broken hearts. Would I be wrong to limit these calls for a while?I am left with all the responsibilities and all he tells me is we will sort out the finances when he comes back to Florida. I don't feel it's good enough. I need to now what to do now as I have bills to pay etc. I do have a small company that will expand but it's not enough for the bills right now. Will I have to sell the family home even though there is no equity in it. Will he have to pay spouse as well as child support. Is there any other help I can look in to?I am at a complete loss. He has just switched his lights out and I am no longer what he wants. I moved away from everyone I know to be with him. He also said that where the fault does lay with me is that due to me being sexually abused as a kid, I have problems with sex sometimes and that I need to sort that out.I know it will sound crazy but I love this man, or the man he was. That is why I am finding it so hard to move forward.I know I am ranting like a lunatic right now, my heart is just crushed and I am finding it hard to lead with my head and not my heart. Any advise would be so greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): Sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now. I am not sure of the laws where you are and so could't help with what will or will not happen with your house. I would sugggest you do not limit his calls to the children because he obviously misses them and this maybe the link that makes him realise he is no longer 26 and that his family means loads to him. This might make him decide to come back.As for the house. If your business is looking promising, I would suggest you go to the bank and explain the situation and see what, if anything they can do to assist you during this difficult time. As for your husband blaming you for the break down of the relationship, well only you know how much truth is in his statement. Personally i think there is more than sex that makes or breaks a relationship. But if you believe you have issues maybe its time to see a doctor who can refer you to the right people so that you can put the past behind you and let you live your life happily, whether that be bad with your husband or later in life with someone new.I wish you the best of luck with this. PS if you go for help let your husband know so that he can see you're trying to save your relationship.
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