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female
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*aturalwmn
writes: My boyfriend just told me a week ago that he cross dressed for 10 years on and off because he hated himself so much and in dressing as a woman he could become someone else. He hasn't cross dressed in 2 years and after he told me, he threw away his box of clothes and makeup. Well, let me tell you, I was, and probably still am, in shock. He is the nicest, sweetest, most considerate, gentlemanly guy I've ever dated. We've only been dating 2 months and I'm glad he told me so soon. He says he doesn't want to do it again, he likes being a man, but everything I've read seems to say that during times of stress, a man will go back to the cross dressing. To be honest, one of the hardest thing for me to get past is not being "turned on" when I picture him dressed as a woman. I've discovered through this experience that I like my boyfriends to be "men". I don't have a problem at all with cross dressing in theory and practice, but I'm finding it a bit hard to accept the fact now that i'ts my boyfriend. It also worries me that he hated himself so much, although he says he doesn't hate himself anymore. Seems like a huge red flag. I've always thought it important that my partner would be as secure in himself as I am in myself. The sex is great, he seems very attracted to me, so I know for a fact that he isn't gay. I'm more of an earthy, natural type of girl, lead singer in a rock band. Definitely not the ultra feminine type, but I'm feeling a bit like I have to "prove" my feminity. I bought some new makeup. Bought a skirt. Any advice from someone who's been there? Is it just a process that we as women have to go through on the road to acceptance? I really think this guy is worth holding on to. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Naturalwmn +, writes (7 December 2006):
Naturalwmn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much you two for the great answers! Every day it gets easier, and each day I love him more. It's like I'm settling into the fact now that the initial shock is wearing off. It definitley took me off guard to say the least!! I'm seeing a therapist to help me understand what I'm going through and my mixed emotions about the cross-dressing because I really want to get past this.
And, he really is the sweetest, most considerate guy I've ever dated, so I feel extremely lucky. He loves me so much and has so many great facets to his personality that other, more "macho" types of guys don't have. He's a biologist, musician, wine connoisseur, great cook, funny, has a great sense of humor. And...he's definitley straight! 95% of all crossdressers are anyway, and he's assured me of that fact with words...and without words. ;) Even if he does decide to dress again, although he says he never will again, (he likes himself and who he is now)...I am realizing that I am falling in love with the complete package of him, past and present. (hopefully future) Thanks again!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): That was his past, he was honest enough to tell you all this. Just love him for the person that he is and put these ideas in the back of your mind. Just take each day as it comes. Enjoy your lovely man!!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 Hi Naturalwmn,
At least he is sincere enough to tell u. Many cross dressers wont really and will be having secret lives.Alot might have happened during his earlier life that might have made him feel the way he did to resent himself so much. No one really know why some men have this desire but many men who cross dressed described it as an outlet for stress, and they tend to want to dress up more during times of stress at work or home.But what puzzles me is that he has admitted that he hasnt cross-dressed now for two years. That is quite alot of time and might be a good sign.
No one can see into the future to know what will happen and only u can decide whether u would like to take the chance with him. Not all cross-dressers are gay so if this worries u, try to confirm from him and find out abit about his past.
Take care dear
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