A
female
age
41-50,
*azz42
writes:HiI would love some advice. I share a house with a flatmate, for about a year we are both pushing 40 so no one young or vunerable here. We are the best of freinds and get on great, lots of flirting happens and the guy is great fun, lovely to me and on a day to day life is really good.We have been on holidays together twice and started sleeping together about 9 months ago, he rings or texts me every day and to the best of my knowledge there is no one else.The problem we have never been on a date and we are not a couple, the guy is quite private and I have no problem respecting that, the flirting is hilarious and the sex is great. But I am falling in love and there is no sign of any level of commitment.Is there anything I can do to move it on to boyfriend/girlfrind status?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (8 September 2011):
Yes, there is. You can talk to him. Its what all good relationships are based on, learning how to talk about the things that are difficult, good communication. Take a deep breath and do it.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Ask him what exactly is going on between you? Because at the moment it sounds like roommates with benefits. Which is very dangerous waters you're treading in.
What if he doesn't have feelings for you and doesn't want commitment? Are you still going to take what you can get?
Or what if he decides to stop the shenanigans completely because he got a girlfriend? Would you stay there in that awkward air or would you move out?
A lot of "what if's" to think about.
Right now, I would just have a casual meeting and ask him what exactly is this between you two. If he says nothing or wants no commitment then I would cut off the sex. Now, if you don't you're only going to hurt your own feelings in the long run, seeing as you are falling in love with him at the moment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): Hi, this same thing (kinda) happened to me. I am currently dating my roommate, have been for about a year. I would suggest telling him that you're starting to like him or maybe you're starting to develop feelings or you could say that it's getting to the point where it's starting to cross a line in your head emotionally. Basically, let him know how you're feeling. Tell him if he's interested, that you should go on an actual date, out of the flat. If he's not, then stop sleeping with him. It may be nice and convenient, but you're just wasting your time on a guy who won't commit to you. It would be better spent on someone else, or even yourself. If he does say no, I would go on some other dates. Find anyone (not a crazy person) to go out with. If he asks, say, yes I have a date. He doesn't need to know anything else. If he really likes you and thinks he can just take advantage of the situation, then that will show him he's wrong and needs to stand up to date you. If he does take you up on the date, take it slow. Stop sleeping together for a while, let the dates progress like a real dating couple. Both my bf and I feel that our only mistake was going too fast, missing out on the 'dating phase' that was actually pretty important. Otherwise, I feel it can be done. We always say that we looked for the wrong things when finding a mate, but a flatmate, you need someone who you really get along with and can compromise with/live with. So, good luck!
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