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female
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anonymous
writes: I think I am falling in love with ex husbands brother. This is a very complicated situation after 2 years of a horriable marriage I filed for legal seperation then after research found I could file for annulment due to ex husband hidden drug addition and numerous other lies and decite. Once the annulment is final the marriage would be null and void-(never existed)Where this situation turns sticky is the fact my ex husband brother and I have grown very close over the years (5) and especially in the last couple months. He does not have a close relasonship with his brother and I believe my ex never existed due to the fact the marriage was based on lies. My biggest concern is the fact my ex and I share one child however after the annulmet it would basically leagally and religious abolish the marraige. If the marriage ended due to normal circumstances these lines would have never been crossed however seeing that my ex was a fake SOB it never should have happened anyway. I try to not call my ex brother in law--but we are drawn to each other and really connect on ALL levels. We are very worried because none of this was entered in intentially but now we can not fight the TRUE emotions. We strongly believe as time passes the family on both sides would accept this situation due to all the lies and crap created by my ex to me and his own brother as well. I do believe all things happen for a reason I guess I am at the point to wonder if I meet my ex husband--and I was really suppose to connect with his brother??? Please help SOON!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): hi
I'm just looking up reasons for marriage annulment and came across your posting......Having been dumped by my lying cheating ex, and having one child with him, fell head over heels in love with his brother!! His family hated me and i was the wicked witch of the east, but we loved each other and stuck it out, slowly the family mellowed. We now have a beautiful little girl together and the family are fine so stick it out destiny is destiny! good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): You need to tread very, very carefully, here. Your actions and that of your brother in law could adversely affect two families, your in-laws, especially. We are talking about family unity and two brothers. Family unity includes time that family members spend together, both quality and quantity. It means maintaining family togetherness, solidarity, balancing family priorities with support for member's needs, producing strong family bonds. It means family gatherings, christmases, birthdays, thanksgiving suppers, backyard barbeques-the whole nine yards. Family means strong bonds of love and support...it means Grandma, Grandpa, cousins, Uncles and Aunts. I would hate to see the both of you get alienated from that. And remember this is not just about the both of you...there is a child involved who could tossed into the middle of a dicey family dispute between two brothers. Your child needs to flourish with love from extended family. Sides could be taken and fingers pointed. No family needs that type of stress and headaches. I'm not saying your love for this man is wrong or good...just realize the potential consequences of what you will undertake. You speak of all the legalities, the deceit, the lies, the anullment, etc. The family may not even take all this into account. The fact remains, you and your husband lived in a home together, had an intimate enough relationship that produced a child...his child. In their eyes, this will likely be more about attachment, deep emotions, and a brotherly feud that could get out of hand. And guess what, you stand to get the worst of it. The in laws may never choose between two sons, but they may deeply resent you! Are you prepared to live with that?
You could be the bad guy in all this. I'm not saying this will happen but it needs to clearly thought about. Many people could stand to lose and the worst casualty will be YOU. I think the best thing to do is..think of your child. Put his needs first. Leave your husband, seek that anullment...do what you have to get away but go it alone for awhile. Allow time for emotional wounds to heal. There will be fur flying and deep pain to all, if you were to dump hubby and move into his brother's life as a wife/partner/lover. That would be a pretty huge nasty one to throw at his family. They will not take kindly to their son's being pitted against each other...no family wants that discord. Think of your son and your husband's/brother in law's family. Give it a decent time frame of perhaps a year and then re-evaluate the situation. Do some serious thinking and talk this out with your brother in law. You need to know what the consequences could be, hun. Good luck
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