A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 24 and have recently become involved with a man that uses drugs (cocaine and others) on a regular basis. At first I thought it didn't really have to affect me as we were just dating. I am confident enough in myself not to go down that road and have never been tempted by drugs at all, and so believed that what he did was his business. But now I find out that he actually deals the stuff too, every time we go anywhere it is interrupted as he has to sneak off to meet people, there are drugs users calling at all times of the night, and even recently a rival dealer put a brick through his door.Also, as I have come to care more deeply for him I have begun to realise the dreadful effects this has on his health - he wakes up sweating and struggling for breath in the night, his moods are erratic and he is chronically paranoid. I always promised myself that I would not try to change him and don't want to be a nagging wife type, but I hate to see him do this, he could be so much more as he is bright and charismatic. He says I am his angel, and I make him want to better himself, and I feel so proud of that, but I am very aware I am on the precipice of falling in love, and things are suddenly more serious. I couldn't bear to see him die of a heart attack or stroke. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and how did it pan out? Obviously this is an issue which I can't really discuss too much with my friends and family and I feel quite alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Irish is so right! My ex was a drug dealer and probably still is, EX!!! Run like hell! don't hang around for the penny to drop either. He will drag you down below the gutter. Every penny you have will be gone on drugs, just because they are a dealer doesn't make that any better, they still do the drugs that they sell. They cannot help it. Mine did. We had the bailiffs round regularly, our stuff had to be in my name etc. Please walk away as i did. You will be so glad you did in the future.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): What should you do? Run like hell, that's what! Seriously, this guy is big trouble, both for himself in terms of compromising his health; risking jail time; getting done in by other dealers or users. You can not help him - much as you may want to - unless he himself genuinely wishes to stop using, stop dealing and quit associating with other dealers.
Even then, there's not much you can do. His problem is too difficult without professional help.
Not only that, you don't want to be attacked - the brick being put through the door is the least of what could happen - and the calls at all hours. This can really wear you down, even if you do resist trying cocaine yourself.
I really hope and urge you to cut off contact with him now. Too much is at stake!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): I can understand you situation because i my boyfriend's brother does drugs, not him and he has never been tempted to try them and either have I. So what i am trying to say is that you should try and get your boyfriend some help but only if he wants it because it is his problems and choices; which i can understand how much you care about him and if he is at all worried about the path he has taken he will stop
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): Oh gosh, dear! I am not going to 'beat around the bush here', hun and I am going to be honest. You need to know that when you fall in love with a person who is addicted and deals drugs, you are seriously playing with fire. He will drag you into a dark, deep hellish world, that is dangerous and fraught with bad, bad people. Addicts are in love with something other than you. Already you are competing with drugs as a rival for his full attention and focus on you. And it will worsen. That is so unfair to you. You really, really deserve a healthy love with a man whose spirit of love is just for you. Dear..really...he is not a free man, is he? You will always compete with his addiction. You will spend many stressful, painful moments with a person who is so dependent and powerless to drugs. Right now, your relationship is is in the 'honeymoon' phase and life seems happy and joyful. But already, you have seen him disappear and do his secret meetings and dealings with people. Already you have experienced firsthand, the effects of how his addiction is affecting him, health wise. What happens when the realities settle in.What will your life with a drug addict be like? What about a future..marriage, family? What I think you should do and this is going to hurt, but you need to tell your man you refuse to date or associate yourself with an addict and a drug dealer. Tell him you will only remain with him, if he agrees to get into drug rehab, immediately. Let him know if he doesn't do this, you will leave and and then stick to that plan. Then please, look at the problems within you that is allowing you to love an addict and to be a co-Dependant woman. Al-anon has wonderful insights about the people who love and cope with addicts, alcoholics. They will guide you and support you through what you need to do. Relationships are difficult enough without walking into a life with a guy like this. Do the most sensible, bravest thing for yourself and walk away today and give yourself a chance at a happy future. And work at truly changing yourself and knowing that you deserve the best and hun..he just isn't what you need. Be strong and Good luck, hun and keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (11 March 2007):
 Of course your boyfriend's health must worry you but I'd also be worried about the effects his job will have on his and your own personal safety. Once you're into dealing drugs it's really hard to get out of the cycle because there is always someone above you standing on your head. I know you love him and I appreciate that but I think your first responsibility needs to be to yourself and your own safety.
CD
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