A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with this girl for 4 months now, unfortunatley due to a 6 year age difference her dad wont let her see me. So we've been kinda going behind his back and everything, he still doesnt know, but she doesnt want to sneak anymore or lie to him and I understand that and fully support her behind that, so she is going to talk to him, but she has tried before and he just says not till she is 18, he wont even meet me to get a judge of my character, I've offered to try talking to him and she just says no because he will fall out with her. Now the outcome of the next time she asks him determines the fate of the relationship. I was just asking for any advice because I am falling for her and I don't want to lose her.P.S I'm 22 and she is 16 Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 Another mom weighing in here and I would NEVER allow my 16 yr old child to date a 22 yr old adult.
Not to say that I am not an age gap relationship supporter. When I was 22 my current partner was 9.
While 16 looks grown up..it's just a bit more mature than 9
you need to wait a few years before I'd happily give you advice on how to have a relationship with this young lady.
the fact that she has gone behind her father's back (and you agreed to it) is not a good thing for either of you.
To be honest if you were to be totally upfront and ask to be friends with her JUST at her family home and JUST when her parents were there and ONLY spend time with her in front of them, as a family friend, perhaps over the next few years you could wear her dad down....
otherwise walk away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): I agree, there's not a hope in hell I would let my 16 year old daughter date anyone even a year older than herself so I'm with her father on this one! She is still only a child until she reaches 18 and he is only doing the duties of any responsible parent. At 16 she should be thinking about school and shaping her future, and doing normal things with friends her own age, not settling down in a relationship with an adult. She doesn't have the right to make many of the choices adults can make yet but you on the other hand are an adult, and you have free willed choices you can make. What would you gain from a relationship with a girl that age? The most you could do is take her to the cinema and then maybe for a McDonalds and back home again to do her homework or studying or to play out with her friends. She won't be able to do adult things with you like go for a relaxing weekend away in a hotel or take her for a nice holiday at 16 without her parents consent, (Which to be honest isn't very likely at all from what you have already described) You're friends would probably laugh at her (and you because you should know better) as she isn't even of legal age to drink so you will not be able to take her for nights out etc... And if you did any of those things illegally and behind her fathers back he will most definitely find out and put an end to it anyway. Try looking at it from her fathers point of view - the world these days is full of very convincing and seemingly normal sicko's , very persuasive and manipulative in getting their own way with people (not just young girls). And to be very honest its unnatural and unhealthy for any normal adult to develop feelings for a girl her age. If you had a daughter her age would you expose her the potential dangers of a strange adult? Although by law this maybe legal, its also immoral in the eyes of society and rightfully so. I think you should let her go and leave her to the guidance of her parents who know best. If you don't, I suspect her parents will resume with law proceedings to make sure you leave her alone and you will land yourself with a very sour reputation indeed.
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