A
female
age
26-29,
*XAmiXx
writes:Dear cupid.So, I deleted my friend's number off of my phome. He is a boy that I like A lot. I deleted his number off of my phone because...I like him so much, I (well I used to) text him everyday, and he'd never push me away or say I'm being annoying or anything and we have some petty to super deep conversations but I just feel like he is doing all of this to be nice to me andI like him so much, I do think consciously like I know the difference between when a person is only being a friend and when a person is interested(to an extent like I don't know when a person likes me or anything like that) But this guy is definitely treating me like a friend and I am just trying to really distance myself away from him because Like...I think about him all the time, and it's not even his looks(I mean, he's super handsome) but I am not even concerned with his looks anymore, if he was not who he was as a person I know I wouldn't be as into him as I was. He'd be just another pretty face to me, but he isn't. He's unique, intelligent, and creative and straightforward and trustworthy and my fondness for him has begun to affect my behavior like I subconsciously wait for him to appear before me, to approach me and I have these little fantasies that I know aren't ever gonna come to pass because these are fantasies and this is reality.But do you know what I mean? I can't stop thinking about him and it just hurts a little bit because I'm wasting my time falling head over heels for a guy that only sees me as a friend.Or so it seems, I mean, like...he knows I like him and I never like constantly told him I like you so much!!! Marry me!! Or nothing like that but we had natural, casual conversations regarding our friendship and my feelings and he's always like giving me the benefit of the doubt which I know he is only doing to give me hope and not hurt my feelings. Like he says things like "I don't know. Maybe in the future." Or he'll carefully choose his words like "I am currently not romantically interested in you yet"So, he's still neutral like "perhaps" and my heart is like *_____* "WANT!!!" And I see him everyday at school and we hang out with the same friends and everything so my feelings get stronger because I'm around him on the time. So I finally took a stand and decided to delete his number from my phone because I feel like I text him too much, and I delete his picture from my phone and at school if I see him I kind of just....pass him by, like I'll see him and want to go by him but then I just turn away and tell myself "Move on, child. Move on, it's not gonna happen,"All in an effort to just give myself some breathing room, truthfully because I am afraid that if I continue to allow my feelings to feed off of him being nice to me, I might do something stupid or I'll be super crushed if he doesn't develop feelings for me later on.I just want some space that's all. Some time to myself to regroup because I've been in strong STRONG like with this dude for months and its just not working. I know like feelings take time to develop, really, they do and maybe I am obsessing. So I guess you could call my actions a defense mechanism to keep myself from getting hurt in the future...I don't know, I mean, you think this is a good thing to do or am I stressing too much. If you wanna know, I'm also super self-concious around him, like he's too good for me or something like I don't really have anything about me that can impress him too much. And I mean, he's always genuinely nice to me, he doesn't bash me, he told me that he believed me to be very well-rounded with the exception of perception. He says that my level of perception is high than the average person's, he also says that he doesn't tolerate me "He enjoys my company" and like everytime I try to dehumanize myself( like if we are having a deep conversation and I talk about what I believe to be my flaws he humanizes me like "Oh don't worry that's normal" or "worry not" and when I'm alone he'll approach me sometimes to say hi or to talk to me.What I'm basically trying to say is, he hasn't really given me a reason to not wanna text him, he's very nice to me(excluding our play fighting and such) and he's trustworthy. It is more like I've given myself a reason to keep my distance because I feel like the closer I get to him the stronger my feelings are gonna get and if he doesn't return my feelings "In the future" as he put it, I don't wanna be all schizo for him or anything.
View related questions:
crush, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): If he likes you as just a friend, I would distance myself from the friendship. It is only going to hurt you more to be around him and realize that he will never feel the same way. It will be like hitting your head against a wall every time you see him. You will always be hoping, wishing, taking every sign he gives you or something he says to you and twist it into a scenario which you want to believe, which is he likes me. If he really likes you, a guy will make a move on you. If he doesn't make a move, you are only wasting your time and breaking your own heart. Nobody can hurt us unless we allow them to. You will be giving him permission. I am all for friendship but it depends on whether or not you can handle "JUST" a friendship. If you cannot, you need to move on. Even just for the time being. You will need to heal yourself.He could just start to play you, toy with your feelings, know you are always there for him etc. You don't want to be that girl. Yes, it takes a lot of strength but you need to do this for yourself.I am in the same boat and I have walked away from the friendship many times only to return and continue to get my heart broken. I had to come to my own realization that there was no hope left. And once I did, I made the decision to finally walk away. Yes, it hurts like hell and I am an emotional mess and suffering so horribly from the loss of his friendship but it was never friendship. He was just playing me. He liked the fact this beautiful girl was hanging around him, paying him attention. Made him feel good. But he was incredibly selfish, not ever considering how much it was hurting me and breaking my spirit.Sometimes we need to find the strength to walk away. The heart wants what it wants but our head must overrule it because we need to protect ourselves. We are our own greatest friend. And we know we deserve better.You deserve a guy who will worship you and pursue you like you are the most beautiful and special woman on earth. And you will find him. It's just not this guy. Look at it as his loss. Just because he does not want to be in a relationship with you does not mean you are not good enough or not beautiful because you are. Unfortunately, the wrong people are not going to see your beauty, inside or out. The right one will, though.Good luck. It is going to hurt in the short term but you will be so much better off in the long term. You will meet someone and ask yourself what the heck you ever saw in this guy???I believe you are doing the right thing. If he really cared, he would see you distancing yourself, and ask you why, maybe even then ask you out. Sometimes we need to distance ourselves to find out if there is anything there to begin with.Take Care...xxx
|
