A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay, so i am seventeen years old and my parents do not trust me at all. not with money, my friends or boys. over the past year though i have been trying to rebuild that trust with them but they are so reluctant. sleepovers for example- they let me go to them on the rare occasion and i understand i am a girl and they are showing their concern but would there be anything i could say or do that would make them change their minds about letting me stay over my boyfriends house? i really don't want to go out of my way to lie and i want to be straight with them but they are so against boy sleepovers in case something 'happens'. i am drowning here and am desperate for some independence and privacy! my brother at this age was allowed to go out and not come back for several days without any notice and he would never get in contact. i sound childish but it's not just about the whole staying round the boyfriend's house thing- the fact that i am getting older and more independent and have a job and yet my 13 year old sister is treated with more ease. it is driving me crazy and i'm actually thinking of moving out it is getting to me so much. i know there isn't probably any simple solution but the position i feel i'm in at the moment any advice would be good. how can i get more freedom? it's driving me insane!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): your parents seem tougher on you than they are on your brothers and your little sister. That's not a bad thing. It is so good to see parents who treat each child individually, not all the same. Some parents do parent by the 'one size fits all' rule i think that's much more unfair than your parents approach. Just remember adolescent problems like yours do not last forever. You will get older. You need your parents as friends.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): You think you are the same girl of 5 years ago and that it is others around you who are making things difficult. But it is your internal brain that is being rewired. You are not a child anymore. But nor are you the totally in control fully rewired woman you hope to be. So life is tough for you, while you redefine you. Your brothers are not you. Be delighted your parents see you as unique and special to them. Do not think you can win all arguments. Negotiation and give and take and compromise are adult ways to resolve problems. And until you are 18 or 21 (depending on law in your state) you do not have a legal 'voice' so legally in every way your parents are responsible for you. They want to do a good job. If you had your way you would have more rope, a bigger allowance, more privacy and more right to come and go as you please. Instead you have parents who care, and who dont want to see you hurt. If you need a bigger allowance get a jib after school. Drugs are a terrible curse across America. Your parents want to know who your friends are and the activities they draw you into. There are enough vultures out there who want to ruin lives with booze and drugs. I think your parents sound great. I applaud them. Discuss things with your parents without pouts and tantrums. Do not lie to your parents. They will find out if you lie. Keep your parents in the loop. You mention rebuilding trust so can i presume something happened to affect their trust in you. Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. You are fortunate to have parents who love you and care about your reputation. A sleepover with a boy will lead to experimentation and dont bother to insult the intelligence of an adult to say otherwise. Not because you intend to flout the rules, but because boys, and sex, and hormones and a sleepover is a lethal combination. Boys at that age want, cajole for and insistently demand it. And usually get it in the end.
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