A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My gilfriend of a year posted a problem on here 30 April 07 about me throwing cushions at her, buying a house and that I did not trust her etc.. In my defence she firstly has given me reason not too trust her 100% as I have seen her obtaining numbers off other guys right in front of me, which turned out to be for her mate who was with another guy at the time. This is the same mate telling my girlfriend to leave me! This has happened at least twice! I have asked my girlfriend not to do this as it was not right, but she keeps doing it. Plus another trust issue is when she admitted taking drugs one night she went out without me. Secondly, I had explaind somethng to her about how searches work regarding the house purchase but she did not believe me and asked other friends advice. This is what was the root of the argument. I went out that night playing snooker as she did not want to do anything, how ever iI returned to see she had invited 2 other friends around for a drink. I joined in the party drinking and playing games but I admit I was sarcastic towrds my girlfriend at times. She made an issue of this and went mad and asked me to leave with my daughter at 2.30 am. I was angry and frustrated but not towards her or anyone until I was acused of thowing a cushion at her. I said that I did not do this and in frustration a threw a couple of cushions towards her saying that that was a cushion being thrown. As I did this our male friend tried to stop me and punched me in the process. I defended myself and hit him back but now a jumped on me I would have calmed down and gone to bed now I am being tarnished as being violent. I had no intention of hurt anyone at all but just vent my frustration. If he had not jumped on me things would be ok. I am confused why her friends and mum say I am violent. I am not it was self defense. I dont apreciate my girlfriend asking for opinions from other people who dont know thw full history because this may sway her to leave me... I love her to bits. Advice please?
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (4 May 2007):
 Hi,
It seems to me you both have a trust issue here. I really cant see what's wrong with her asking a friend for advice, about a house though. Perhaps she is trying to get more information than you can give her. If you are buying the house together, I really feel she should know what's going on. After all its the biggest purchase you will make, and maybe this worries her.
Its hard to say if you over reacted about the cushion incident, because we wern't there. But i struggle to find how she can call that violent, but her mate punching you, ok. If anyone should have been asked to leave, it should have been them. It sounds to me like you are both very stressed.
Perhaps rather than all this confusion,involving other mates and family. You should deal with this together on your own, by talking calmly.
I know you dont want to lose her, but its better to find out what she really wants, before you make this massive comittment.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you, and for the record I dont think a wife beater could be bothered to write in and try to defend themselves. They are far to selfish, and think they are doing nothing wrong anyway.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): The way I see it, whoever owns the house gets to live there. The other one has to move out.
Whether or not you are guilty of being violent is besides the question. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, and your daughter should not be exposed to such an unstable household. Take your daughter, establish a more stable and consistent lifestyle with your focus on your daughter's needs and not your own.
So you're probably better off getting away from her instability before she really makes you mad enough to do something really dumb.
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