A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have this crazy situation. I've been with the same man for 17 years, married for the last 11 years. I have had the same best friend since high school. She has also been with her husband for the last 17 years and they have been married for the last 12 years. Last year at an adult party at their house her husband and I accidentally kissed. I had never seen him in "that way" before that night. Nobody saw it. We were drunk and tried to blame it on that. Then he started to tell me how he has always felt something for me and has always thought i was amazingly beautiful. He told me he remembered the first time he saw me (about 18 years ago)and wondering who I was. After that night we started secretly talking to eachother and at parties we would somehow find a way to kiss. There was a connection there that we both couldn't deny. He has been unhappy with his marriage for a while and I have been unhappy with mine as well. We started sleeping together a few months ago and he has told me he loves me. I love him as well. We don't know what to do. We are always around each other. We both have similar personalities and when we are at parties we are both the center of attention and everyone loves to watch us "show out". Everyone knows that we are great friends and people say we seem to "feed each other" when we are together. We are both silly people who love to simply enjoy life and we love to laugh. I'm just not sure what to do at this point.....I need advice please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): I am in a very similar situation and I completly understand how hard this is.
I have been married for 3 years, together for 12 and prior to meeting my friends husband would have felt the same way as many of the other people who have responded.
I have broken all my own rules and know what I am doing is so very worng but my feelings for this man are so strong that it makes things very difficult.
I know that i should steer well clear of the whole situation but is so much easier said than done. There is nothing fundamentally wrong between me and my husaband, we do have a good relationship and i love him a lot. I never planned or expected to feel like this about anyone else, but its happening and I am struggling to deal with it.
I am hoping that time will help before things go too far. Good luck to anyone else in this situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): I think what your doing is so wrong specialy cuz shes your best friend how can u do that get your self in her position how is she going to feel when she finds out her best friend is sleeping with her husband how would u feel if that was happening 2 u your a back stabber u really have no morals i feel so bad for your friend an husband
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A
female
reader, SuzieH  +, writes (15 September 2007):
There is obviously a reason why both of you are going outside the marriage. I am in a similsar situation except I left my husband of 9 years because I cannot be with 2 men at the same time. I was never really D's friend as she is very self centered lazy - I know this because she was always at my house after I finished a hard day at work complaining about her husband or shifting her children on me. Maybe try to talk to your husband about the problems in the relationship and see if he will talk to his wife about the problems in their relationship. If no changes in respective marriages are made WALK!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): I am not sure it is as much a lack of morals as it is a lack of respect for your spouses and friends.
If this is truly the first time anything like that has happened to you then perhaps finding out why and stopping this behavior is a logical first step.
18 years is a long time to throw away when you think about it.
I am married now for the second time. My first husband and I were together 15 years. We weathered his and my issues and our marriage eventually disintegrated after he found his true love.
I am married now to a man who truly makes me feel complete.
I have found myself in the same situation at a party.
Thankfully we both dealt with it like adults.
Be grownup and deal with it as a grownup.
Mistakes can happen but you can make them right if you choose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): I am in the same situation, except that I have only been married for 2 years and together with my husband for 5. My best friend and her husbad have also been married for 2 years and together for 5. I really don't have any great advice, however, what I can offer is to just follow your heart. If you and him are unhappy as you say you are, then why keep being so miserable, why not go for what you want in your life. In the long run, you will lose a best friend and possibly more...but you will still have eachother!! This is the stuff I tell myself everyday, I haven't been able to procede with divorcing my husband nor has my best friends husband, but we are just as unhappy and know that it will happen when the time is right. Take Care and let me know if you have any more advice.....I could probably use some too!!
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (9 September 2007):
your right your personalities are very much a like, youve both forgotten the sanctitiy of marriage and have the same lack of morals that lets you start an affair.if your not happy in your marriage then end it, dont drag your husband and ''friend'' through the pain your doing, but if you belive he'll take that large step and leave his wife then you may be holding your breath some time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): I am happy for you in your exciting new relationship. You should end your marriage. Don't wait too long to do this, if you and your boyfriend really want to be together then, you should do something quickly. Best of Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): OF COURSE you know what to do!
Either stop this stupid affair here and now and cease bringing trouble and grief to your respective spouses; OR separate from your husband, then get divorced. You can HOPE he will separate from his wife and also get a divorce.
Don't count on it, though.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Oh you know EXACTLY what you should do at this point. End your marriage and let your husband try to regain his life. Hopefully the other "silly" person will do the same with his marriage. Then the two of you with your "similar personalities" and similar lack of honor and integrity can resume your tawdry affair without causing any further damage.
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A
female
reader, redballetshoes +, writes (6 September 2007):
I think its clear something has to stop. Either end your affair or your marriages. It seems the most senisble thing to do would be to end your marriages, as clearly neither of you are happy with your current situation.
Remember the amount of pain you will be inflicting on your spouses when they find out about your affair. You are not only betraying your partners but your friends.
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