A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling extremely lonely at the moment. I feel I am forgetable and have no impact on people’s lives. I joined Facebook to reconnect with some of my old school/college friends because the last two of my circle of friends have moved away to different countries, and I was feeling left behind. Anyway, out of 80 ‘friends’, only 2 people asked me to be their friend, and one of them I am sure I have never met before in my life!! I sought the friendship of the other 78. I became very upset when I realised that if it were not for me reaching out and being pro-active I'd have had only 2 friends, one of whom I haven’t met! I am guessing that most of them have absolutely no recollection of who I am because they haven’t sent me any messages at all. I am also sure a few of them have just said yes to my friendship request just to up the number of friends that they have on their profile. There are a few who have written messages but I think they are just being polite. I have found the whole Facebook experience both fun and surprising but also deeply upsetting.A few people from school and college have been a really pleasant surprise to me. They have written a few friendly messages and I got a party invite. There were a few that wrote to me who I were amazed remembered me. However, a few episodes have upset me:-I am quite jealous of my boyfriend (and I have never been a jealous person) because he has a very close relationship with his extended family. I, on the other hand, never see my extended family except at christenings, marriages, and funerals due to neither of my parents being close to their siblings. I felt that just because my parents and their siblings weren’t close, what is to stop the cousins being close? I thought I would approach one of them who I knew was on Facebook as I didn't have his address or tel no. He denied knowing me, but I know he does...and he has rejected my friendship request.Weirdly more of my acquaintances have responded to my friendship requests than those I considered close friends. One person who accepted a friendship request from me has just sent me a message saying ‘Who are you?’ (why accept my friendship request then and why be on Facebook if you’re going to be funny about it?) and I received another terse reply from a girl I went to college with saying much the same thing. The fact that these people are asking for a photo suggests that they have no idea who I am. I received a post from an old friend of mine who is an ex-boyfriend of one of my friends. I was shocked at the end when he let out this volley of abuse about her. I ignored it and sent him an update about my life which he had asked for and asked about his. He replied but then got defensive as if I were intruding into his privacy.I have no contact from extended family and now it seems very few genuine friends. I just feel virtually alone in the world!How can so many people that I have not forgotten have absolutely no recollection of who I am? How can I make more of an impact?I am beginning to realise why these friendships were left in the past!
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cousin, different countries, facebook, his ex, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): It is sad, but I don't think you should take it to personally; in today's life people are very rushed and busy; I personally experience that at times it is difficult not to neglect close friends; then I am not even thingking about those I have not had contact with for ages or who have been out of touch for years; It is no excuse, I know, but when you have a very busy schedule; at times it get's difficult;I also think people are so involved in there own litlle circle, and so occupied with there personal needs and wants that they do not reach out enough.
You have made an effort to reach out and have been dissapointed; but I suggest you now try reaching out to strangers;to make new friends; most of my close friends are not from school or college but people I have meet later in life; somehow I don't seem to have much in common with the others any more, other then a "hi how are you";
Do not give up reaching out to people; there are lots of lonely people in this world; I am sure yu will find good friends, just keep trying;
Start chatting to people on sites which is of interest to you; go to places which you enjoy and that are of interest to you; there are so many ways of meeting new people;maybe join some clubs or charity or fundraising organisations;the options are unlimited;
As I said, keep reaching out;
Good luck!
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