A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 25 year old female in an open relationship with a man ten years older than me. We've been together for nearly 6 years, but I recently took a chance and met one of my male friends from the past for the first time. This has led to some new complications/feelings.The brief back story is that I was 17 when I first came into contact with 'Joe', an attractive man ten years older than me. We chatted online frequently for about a year or so and then just lost touch. Then my boyfriend comes into the picture and we're very happy together. Last year, I find Joe on a social networking site and send him an email, to which he promptly replies, and we end up talking for three hours straight. For about nine months we're keeping in touch and being both friendly and flirty. There is an obvious attraction between us.During the time that Joe and I reconnected, I moved away from my boyfriend to attend college several hours away in the same state. My boyfriend is potentially going to be getting a job over in Europe this year, which has been hard on both of us. Last week, I found out Joe's band (from New York City) had a gig an hour away from my college. We decided to meet for the first time. We hit it off immediately, but didn't do anything sexual (aside from kissing) because he's seeing someone, yet knows about my open relationship. Now we both want to spend more time together, which is hurting my boyfriend because he's convinced that I'm planning to make Joe my new boyfriend once he leaves for Europe.I know that my boyfriend and I are literally drifting apart, but I'm just not sure if it's a good idea to continue seeing Joe. How am I supposed to handle being attracted to both men without hurting one of them--or hurting myself?
View related questions:
flirt, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response the anonymous female's questions:
I looked him up because I was curious, I was just trying to find some of my friends I knew during the time I was in high school for fun. I never had feelings for him back then.
Nothing particularly bad has happened with my boyfriend. It's been difficult for both us now that we don't live in the same town anymore.
My boyfriend will be living in Europe for good if he accepts the job, and he most likely will, because the company is no longer operative in his hometown.
Joe and I lost touch because I was busy working after graduating high school, and we couldn't find time to talk anymore.
I've been in this open relationship for a long time now, and I think I'm ready to be in a committed relationship. I'll continue posting on here for more advice and to update you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): Hi there. I'd like to ask why you searched for Joe on the social networking site last year ?. Did you feel that you still had feelings for him, or did you look for him just out of curiosity ?. Had anything bad happened with your boyfriend, such as an arguement, for example, that amde you want to search for Joe ?. It may help to know more about why you wanted to reconnect with Joe. May i also ask how long your current boyfriend is going to be working in Europe ?. If its long term, you need to decide whether you think it's worth waiting around for him. If it's short term, i guess its not as bad as if he were going away longer. May i also ask why he isnt working closer to home ?.Why did you and Joe lose touch ?. Was it an arguement, or was it just because of you both having busy lives, did you stop logging into the website, e.t.c ?. If you are in an open relationship, why are you worried about hurting anyone ?. Deep down, would you rather be in a committed relationship ?.I think the best thing to do is things about all the pros and cons that your boyfriend and Joe have, and what the pros and cons of a relationship with Joe, and continuing your relationship with your boyfriend would be, and please do keep intouch with all of us here on dear cupid and we may be able to help you further.
...............................
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Well, my first impression is that you seem to want you current relationship to end. It does seem that is is winding up huh.
the only issue I have is in regards to Joe being in a relationship. He could just make you his bit on the side and thus just use you.
Ultimately it is up to you to decide what you really want. But for me, Id look for someone new and let both of them go
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): to me it seems like you need to keep all of your options open and personally you should see if the friend will break up with his girl for you
...............................
|
