A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey i am 19 years old..i live with my family and i have started university this year..i have so many rules set by family i feel soo tied up..i am not allowed to hang out with my frens after 10 in the night..no having stay over at my friends place,no late night parties..i am not even allowed to have a boyfriend or talk to guys on the phone or even roam about with them but i still manage to do this hidingly..bu for how long if only mom would be understanding i could talk to her and tell her how i feel,she would freak out for everything..what do i do??how do i go on like this..i want to get into the glamour world and i have so many telling me to go for it cuz i have the looks...but my family would freak out..what do i do
View related questions:
university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (26 August 2008):
 Well, there's something in this world called the "golden rule". It goes like this. The person who's got the gold, makes the rule. If you're still living with your parents and they are still supporting you, you are, unfortunately, going to have to follow their rules whether those rules are reasonable or not.
Personally, I think they're not reasonable, and obviously you don't either. But if neither one of us are putting up the money in this situation we don't, unfortunately, get a vote.
About all you can do is try calm discussion about your situation with them Point out to them that a number of your contemporaries are already married and raising families. Obviously, those people are not living under such rules imposed by THIER parents. And you, who are accepting the additional responsibility of continuing your eduction, should be allowed additional freedom as well. Ask them how they would feel if you had chosen marriage, or just moving out and living with a boyfriend who would support you, instead of remaining in school? The see if they really think it's fair that they should be restricting you as tightly as they are because you choose to live responsibility and invest in your future through further education. Note to them that you're willing to accept SOME restrictions, but you just want them to be appropriate to your age and social milieu.
And begin thinking about what it would take to get ready for a declaration of economic independence from your parents. What would you have to do to become self-supporting? And are you willing to do it? When and if you are, that becomes a major bargaining point in your favor. In any relationship, power is always distributed unequally, and the superior power always belongs to the party who needs the relationship the least. Cruel, but true.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Hi,I had controlling parents and understand how it feels to be restricted when you are a young adult. The only real way that I know worked for me was for me to move out of home and get some independence. You can house share or get student accommodation possibly, but i think that it is the only way for you to get your freedom.You could try talking to your mum but you know her and if she's prone to freaking out it is possibly a waste of time.Please don't rush into glamour modelling; it is seldom glamourous and I think that this may be perceived as a way for you to gain some control. You could easily regret it in the future though. Getting some other kind of part time work may help you financially and help you gain more independence. Best Wishes.
...............................
|
