A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:God I need help. I haven't slept in two days, and am an absolute wreck. Trying to make a long story short, past year been trying to have a child with no success, extremely stressful. Lately my wife has become distant. She said she is depressed and down and needs time to herself and wants some distance from me. Fine. But... she's been going out with her co-workers like there is no tomorrow, and she says it's because it's an escape from the stress at home. I've been depressed before, at no point did it switch off to get dressed up and get some drinks. Our sex life has turned into only when prescribed by the doctor for pregnancy, and since we've switched to the turkey baster, we hardly have it at all now. She said she has no sex drive, which I would believe. She's away on a business trip with the lead co-worker who she parties with. I let my suspicions get the best of me and went on her PC to look at her browsing history: fredrick's of hollywood, victoria's secret, over the knee boots, short skirts, but no lingerie, just sexy tops and skirts. I looked in her closet and there must be (6) new shirts that are not work approiate, definately for going out. Also, daily checks on the myspace page of the co-worker she's away with.While she's away, she sends me text messages to let me know when she's home from the bar with 'him' that read like "back safe, going right to bed, call you in the am".. as if she's telling me not to call her back.I don't know how to confront her about this. We've argued about it in the past and she tells me that when I tell her it bothers me that she feels like my possession and she shouldn't go out and have any friends and just stay home and be a good wife. I want to approach this in a non-combative manner, but don't know how to. I'm torn between either:It's just me being out of my mind, we're trying to have a child, I must be interpreting everything wrong-or-She's either having an affiar, or she's putting all of her energy into going out with her co-workers and ignoring the problems at home.I don't want to use an ultimatum, but in my mind I'm approaching that point. Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): Clearly your wife isn't bothered about your feelings, an ultimatum is only any use if you're willing to carry it out. My guess is she isn't much bothered if you did. It will look like you ended the marriage and stop her from feeling guilty. Also she will be free to go with her new man if she hasn't already.
I've been in this place in my first marriage and i look back and realise there was very little i could have done to stop it.
The more you hassle her the more you will force her away.
Maybe you should get out more yourself it may grab her attention back.
Good luck
You could try a councillor
A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 Hi
I think your wife is being very selfish. There is a problem in your home which you need to deal with "TOGETHER". Speak to your wife when she gets back and tell her how you feel and that you are also going through the same thing she has been going through. By her seeking comfort in a friend and shutting you out, how does she expect you to deal with things? Tell her to realize that she isnt the only one in this situation and you would appreciate of you could seek comfort in each other instead of else where. Is that doesnt work then you could seek professional help to get yourll through this.Have you been to doctors for your porblem? If all fails then you need to give her the ultimatium so that you knoe where you stand. If she isnt willing to sort out the problems in your relationship then you should end it instead of you dealing with the unsucessful attempt to have a baby and your wife's attitude / response. Good Luck
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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