A
female
age
51-59,
*alots
writes:my husband and i fought 2 days ago because i let my maid wash clothes...my bad relationship started 10 years ago when he started womanizing with about 5 different women....i was submitted to slaps,kicks,gunpointing,shouting,black and blues,all kins of battery and humiliation,,,he stopped womanizing 2 years ago but still always threatens me with his gun,kicks and spanks me...our maid is receiving too much pay....i told the maid that her salary is only 2500p but i was astonished that my husband is giving this maid another 500p...to a total of 3000p.i am having problems with our finances because i pay almost all our needs so that i ask the maid to wash the clothes instead of me paying for another laundry woman...he told me i am mean to maids and i let maids work so hard....i texted him that he is too boastful even shouting at me in front of maids that i should get our rice to eat....our eldest daughter has now stopped going to college because she is suffering from major depression...and i feel one cause is this bad behavior of my husband...my daughter revealed she is disturbed of the gun firing my husband does when he is angry with me...my husband said my daughter,s condition is all karma for me,,,,i said once i am spending too much for my daughters medicine without a single cent coming from him...i invested a lot already for my family ,buying 5 lots and we have very big house..he said once i leave the house because he has money in building this house but actually,i was the one who acquired a loan to built this house...even for just a day of buying our food,he ask me for money and if i dont give its my debt to him which i have to pay...he is not a good provider...and tells me its fault for all bad things that happens to me and my children...help me...i dont know where to run,,,i pity my kids if i leave ,specially my depressed daughter,,,my sons are 13 and 14 years old...i am afraid of the consequences to my children...he once said he will kill all of us
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Your situation is traumatic, to you and your children. Sadly the laws in the Philippines are not strict regarding domestic violence. There are so many cases of abuse and I've never heard ,not even once, if there is anybody who's been prosecuted. You can bring your case to the court but that will be expensive and doing so will subject yourself and your kids to a more complex situation.
The only way to save your children from the hurt and being destroyed as a person, is to take your children with you and leave your husband. In these circumstamces you have to protect your children and yourself, forget about the bullshit of the culture, forget about the bullshit of the society. It is better for your children to grow up without a father than being brought up in violence which they may acquire themselves and become a violent husbands themselves in the future. Your kids will not thank you later on, they might even blame you for the suffering they are going through. The depression of your daughter and her anxiety should have been a wake-up call, it is a sign that you have to make a major decision. Your situation is not a joke, it can become really ugly. Your husband is threatening to kill you and your kids, LEAVE!! your marriage is beyond repair, no need to salvage it. You've been abused physically, emotionally even financially. Don't fight a losing battle, instead, think of the danger that your children are in. You have to be strong for your children, if you can go abroad with your kids do it. But if you're making plans of running away with your kids don't tell anyone not your kids, even your family, not anyone of your friends. Do it secretly and plan well, in Canada you can stay as a refugee if your life is in danger, or you can get yourself and the kids a visa to the states and stay there. It doesn't matter how much it will cost you as long as you can keep your family safe. Just plan it well. I wish you goodluck and be safe you and your kids
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Hello my dear co" filipina" oh' im so sorry for this situation. God" this is really hard situation. Why he had a gun? Report it to the police so they can check if he is really capable to have this gun, additional to that, tell to the police how he is using this gun against you and the children. God this is a big trauma for you and the children. I wonder how you stand this for a long time. He is using this Gun to make you scared. He is hurting you physically and emotionally. I am not in our country for a long years but i read once in the internet that we have already a place or a Association for Womens who get manipulated from their husband. And Ruffa Gutierrez is also working in this association. You have to go to this place. Do something now against this problem. Do something to get out of this situation. you can not always be with this man all your life, its not healthy and you dont deserve that.Dont wait so long. And hey be strong, be strong for YOU and for your CHILDREN. I wish you good luck and may god guide your way...
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (25 February 2010):
This is a very difficult situation. You have to consider reporting him to the police so that at least they will take the gun. Also speak to the abused women helplines in your country. And tell his parents about his behaviour. Or when he starts threatening you, scream so loud that the neighbours will come. Most women who are hit take it quietly because they are afraid of being judged if others hear them. But believe me, its your husband they will be shocked at. Maybe if you scream and run then your neighbour come out, one of them will call the police. Then he will think again before trying it again. As for your maid, have you considered that he might be sleeping with her so that's why he gives her more money? Because of his nasty character, I don't think he gives her money out of the kindness of his own heart. When you have a maid, never get a pretty, young girl. Always get an older woman (over 40) with 4 teeth or something. Because the young girl is telling herself that I want this position and you can find yourself out of your house. This happens all the time in my country where the maid or nanny becomes the new love interest. It happens in Hollywood too.. I think Brad Pitt has been caught cozying with the maid recently? Jude Law shagged the nanny? Tiger Woods married the nanny of a friend. Maids and nannies need love too; just not in your house and with your man!
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