A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem.. I cant seem to stop checking out other men... whenever a handsome man enters my field of vision I am transfixed. I love the look of a strong toned torso, muscular arms, a nice butt, and a handsome face... I am like a drug addict looking for more, I have bought lots of male-on-male pornos and downloaded photos and film from the internet just so I can examine them and of c.ourse pleasure myself while thinking of them.This is a problem because I have a boyfriend of 3.5 years, in the beginning of our relationship I had no problem staying faithful, of course I looked at other men (who doesn't?) but I never had such an intense 'addiction' to perfect men. In the last year and a half (since I moved out on my own) my desire has grown. I have never cheated but I fantasize constantly about other men. My boyfriend is aware of my vast porn collection and is irritated when I look at them in front of him, but has been patient with me. I love him to bits and I really want to make him happy and let him know that I will be faithful to him and these men will stay in the realm of fantasy but I want to tone it down a bit, so I'm not thinking of them ALWAYS. I know that looking at porn and fantasizing is all very normal behavior that many people engage in, but... I feel its getting out of hand as I have spent too much money on these pornos and it is now starting to upset my boyfriend. How do I end the obsession and keep my fantasizing in check?Thank you very much. p.s. there are no other problems in our relationship, this is nothing to do with him... I was always interested in attractive men but I started getting out of hand once I moved out of my parents house and into my own place... he and I still have a very strong bond. It's nothing wrong with him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 August 2008):
Well you are not a freak, we get so many questions from people about porn addiction, although they are usually from women who are very upset about their men doing it.
It is a serious threat to your relationship though so I would really try hard to go cold turkey.
Everytime you catch yourself staring then just imagine your boyfriend leaving you because of it. We have advised people to leave their partners over this so keep thinking about that.
Imagine your boyfriend staring at perfect women all the time - it can really hurt, so just imagine that hurt and stop it.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): You could very well be addicted to porn. You need to address this issue now before it gets worse, and it does get worse. Find a good addictions counselor and check out a few web pages that deal with this issue. npsupport.net and recoverynation.com There is a lot of helpful information on these sites that will 'open you eyes'.BTW, is this affecting your sex life with your boyfriend yet?
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (27 August 2008):
 Sounds like an overactive imagination and a huge libido... neither of which are serious problems as long as you have the ability to turn it off. It could be an actual addiction, if you have tried to stop and can't, then you could probably benefit from some focussed counseling to stop the porn problems and the constant fantasies. I'm sure your boyfriend is feeling quite useless and ugly at this point, so it would be very beneficial for you to start focussing on what it is about HIM that you like instead of what it is about all these other men. Focus on nurturing your bond with him.
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