A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HI, everybody. I am studying in a different country from where my parents live. My parents never really have a peaceful relationship. They argue almost all the time for everything. I didn't really understand why do they argue and fight. What does their relationship affect me, I have no idea. And I didn't really have a positive outlook for relationship. My first love turned out to be a big liar, he was married with children. That had a huge impact on me, but in the end I got out of it and started a lovely relationship with a lovely guy who had totally different upbring, background. We are from different continent.It was all cool, fun, loving in the first 5 months, I hardly ever argue. I was immersed in love and peace which is so great. I thought my relationship will never be the same as my parents'. My boyfriend has a very good relationship with his parents and they are very nice and polite to each other. But when our relationship was experiencing some hard time, my friend's job moved him to another country we end up in a long distance relationship all of a sudden. He came back after a month, but that is not the end. Due to the nature of his work, he is not certain about where he will be all the time. He can guarantee when or where he is leaving me. That put me in chronic horror, I am so scared that he may leave me next week, next month? I hate distance relationship. It just doesn't feel right, especially when I don't know when it is gonna end and when we can be back together. All I know the time we have together is temporary. All the feeling gets overwhelming so I broke up with him when he was away from me for a month because I couldn't handle the uncertainties and I doubted if he is the right one for me. But in the end we got back together because we both could not let go.After he got back to the same country as me, we decided to work things out together and let go of the past. But I notice something scares me. I behave like my parents! They are so defensive, they always want to win something in a argument, they are so judgmental. I was so judgmental, I said something hurtful I don't mean when I was angry. My parents judged me in all most all the thing I did which they don't agree with. My dad is a control freak, he checked my mum's phone when she is not around, he never really trust my mum. And I found myself doing the same thing I checked my boyfriend' phone. I judged him so much! Whenever we disagree with each other, I always try to win. I am so confused now, I don't want to end up having the same sad relationship as my parent's. All the horrible words I said to my boyfriend hurts him so much inside, can we still have the same loving, happy relationship again? I am so scared, feeling powerless. I really want to make it work but somehow It falls back to the same mistake again. I can be so understanding and patient with my friends, anyone who is not so close to me. Why do I always screw up the relationship with the closest people to me, my parents, my boyfriend? What is my problem?Thank you so much for you time to read this!!!! Appreciate it!!
View related questions:
broke up, got back together, liar, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ellie:)  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 You don't have to be like your parents!!! Trust him he sounds like a trustworthy guy and if he didn't give you a reason not to trust him I don't see why you don't! AQnd saying you're turning out to be like your parents is going to go in your head and you might actually start being like them... yes you can go back to the same relationship you had you know the one that you trust him and care for him and didn't care so much about winning arguments!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK hope everything turns out ok :)
|
