A
female
age
41-50,
*unshineey
writes:This is kind of long and complicated, but I am a lost soul and need some guidance. My last relationship was not a good one. There were a lot of ups and downs, but mainly downs. We broke up quite often and got back together every time because we just couldn't stay away from each other...I guess thats being assumptious so I will clarify that...I couldn't stay away from him and he always came back. When we would break up he would date others and sleep with others and always tell me he was "doing whatever he had to do to get over me" I never forgot about the others, but I felt my love was strong and didn't want to deny the possibility of this working out. We would get back together and things would go well for a bit, but eventually they would turn sour. Every time he was dating someone else he always would come and cheat on them with me. We have a strong chemistry between us. My friends would always listen when I was hurting and be there on my side for me...but this time, my friend betrayed me and is now dating him. It has only been a month since we last were together, and she has been seeing him for a week or so and I just found out today, BUT I always knew something was going on there because i had the gut instinct and everyone thought I was crazy. He knew I was jealous of her a bit, and honestly after everything we have been through, I BELIEVE in my heart he doesn't want her, he wants to make me mad or jealous. How can a relationship exist between these two? She KNOWS he cheats on his gf's with me, that he always comes back, and that there is that strong connection between us. I know some people are going to read this and think I am crazy, but I know when he is thinking of me, and I know that he thinks of me everyday, all day, what I can't understand is how they can do this to me? 1 month people...I feel ripped apart inside. I know she doesn't really like him and this is just a game. I have never felt so in tune with someone, its almost on a spiritual level and has been for a long time. I am not crazy, I have been right thus far, and I can feel this feeling. My head says everything about it is wrong, but my heart still yearns and aches for him, the real true man I caught a slight glimpse of. From a guys point of view, what is he doing and why is he doing it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): What is going on are these are two immature people addicted to drama. You are doing the right thing by not playing into this immaturity and just ignoring it. If you have something of hers or his and they are bugging you for it, then I would just drop it off and be done with it, without speaking about it if you can.
A
female
reader, sunshineey +, writes (11 June 2009):
sunshineey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, so here is an update. I have had no contact with him or her. I avoid driving by their houses and mutual friends. Recently, I have caught him driving by my house a few times and she started to text me yesterday asking for something back that she thinks I have. I didn't respond to any of her 5 texts or her two blocked id phone calls. I think that she has no right to call me and ask for anything, seeing as I made a choice to not ask for anything back from her that she had borrowed during our friendship. I chalked it up to a loss and decided making contact with her was not worth it to get back a few incidentals I could go without...same goes for him. He has a lot of my things still, and I mean large items but again, to me it was not worth dragging on this drama for any of it...I can and have been living without these things. Now I know she doesn't know he is driving past my house, and she is texting and calling me...whats going on here?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): rhythmandblues2 is correct.move on, move fast and move forward!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): making yourself so available. Men want what they have to work for. But why you would want someone who has hurt you over and over again is another thing. It indicates that you fear commitment maybe as much as this guy.
I think you need to cut your ties with him as hard as it is and date some other men if you like, but spend some time with yourself and figure out what you want and need in a partner...surely it isn't this guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I am not a guy, but your problem here is not really with the other women it is the guy.
One hallmark sign of an unhealthy relationship is the on again off again nature and you have had more offs than ons and each time he has found a new bed partner (let's call them what they really are) and still has you to sleep with when ever he wants to come back.
Why is he doing this? Because you are letting him.
You think he is in love with you.
Let me tell you he is not. He is playing with your emotions and your heartstrings and playing one woman off of another to feed his own inflated ego and having a private laugh to himself.
The danger of a strong connection is that it masks reality. A strong connection means that YOU have INTENSE emotions about him (just because you feel them does not mean that he feels the same) and feelings are not facts they are not based in reality, they are based on perception.
These intense feelings are masking the truth of the situation for you, it doesn't allow you to accept or see that this guy is using you. He doesn't know what he wants.
Why on earth would you keep yourself open and waiting and wanting a guy who doesn't know by now if he wants to be with you or not.
Stop having sex with him immediately, that is the biggest part of the problem. He is around for the sex. Stop asking him about other women and stop
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