A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 35 years old bisexual Asian man. I've dated a number of guys and girls in the past, but only had one relationship with a girl (she's my ex now) for a year. I don't know whether it's the way I look or act. I seem to have good luck asking someone out for a date. I'm attracted to both guys and girls physically and emotionally. At 35, I want to settle down but still can't decide which gender I should go with. Each of them has pros and cons. If I decide to go with a guy:Pros- Most likely he can accept the way I am (that I'm bi).- Better in bed experience because we please each other equally and guys give way better BJ than girls (yes I've tried both)- Less stressful relationship because guys are easy goingCons- It's extremely difficult to find a responsible faithful gay man (life partner material). Most of them live day to day.- My parents would probably disown me if I choose a guy. Family is a very important part of my life.If I decide to go with a girl:Pros- It's very easy to find a responsible faithful woman (wife material).- Socially acceptable (especially my parents)Cons- Most likely she can't accept the way I am (that I'm bi). She would breakup once I tell her my true self. Then I'll have to start over finding a new girl... sigh- Moderate in bed experience. Most of them just want me to be the pleaser. Some of them don't go down on me even though I go down on them.- A little more stressful relationship because women are complexDo I miss any other pros/cons for both gender? This problem has been haunting me for two decades. :-( I want to finish solving this problem once and for all. I want to settle down and move on with my life. Please share you advice/opinion. Many heads is definitely better than one. Thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): YouWish, thank you very much for your wise advice. You're right that the most important thing is the person. Also thanks for reminding me that blood is thicker than prejudice. Your brother in-law story really helps! You're right that I'm leaning toward the guy side mainly because I think the chance of finding a woman who can accept me is pretty slim...
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 August 2012):
 You've thought well about it when looking for a particular gender, but you've missed the true issue:
Connecting with a person.
So you're bisexual. So what? Straight or gay people have attractions to people when they're in relationships. If you date a girl, telling her that you're bisexual means nothing except that you're also attracted to guys. Does this mean that you *must* cheat? Nope. You fall in love with the person.
Also, you're generalizing based on a vast self-history of casual sex. You had one relationship with a girl. Truthfully, you may have had a lot of experience connecting the sexual organs, but you're very inexperienced with being in love.
When you find someone who causes you to go weak at the knees, the whole pro/con list goes out the window, even at your age. I'm not one to tell you what your choice is, but I think you're leaning towards another man. Don't worry about your family. Blood is thicker than prejudice. My brother in law came out to my husband's parents, and being from an extremely religious upbringing, the road was rocky at first, and many things were said that when tempers died down on both sides, a lot of apologies were given.
Now, he and his partner have been together for 11 years, and no one has disowned anyone.
But again, it's the person!
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