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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi everybody, I hope somebody can help. Basically my insecurities are tearing me apart and are driving people who I love and care for away. 6 years ago my 9 year relationship ended very badly where my ex left me for my best friend and it affected me in a bad way, I ended up having counselling was on anti depressants etc and was left with zero confidence. The problem I am finding now is I am very intense when it comes to men I like and when I meet a man I end up driving them away. I met a guy 3 months ago who I have very strong feelings for, at the moment he is not ready for a relationship because his ended the same way as mine except it was last year. So at the moment we have a very good close friendship, we speak every day see each other once a week, we are not intimate but he knows how I feel about him and he is always there for me. He also confessed to my friend that when he is ready again he would like to be with me. My problem is when he doesnt text me or ring me straight back lately I get really wound up and find myself constantly texting him which he confessed scares him at times and now im really scared that I am driving him away. I always assume that he is ignoring me, has gone off me or doesnt want to speak again. I hate feeling this way cause im 31 im not a teenager, I just cant snap out of it.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 Been there, and got over it. You are assuming that each of these men will be the answer to your prayers. That is putting way to much pressure.Also, you are not address a man's emotional need to be Special, becuase you give too much attention too soon, and it is not earned it. Attention given too easily, will just as easily be taken away.As for the "best friend thing", oh yes I had that happen to me too with my ex-fiacne. That will hurt anyones confidence.Your life needs to be full, such that you want to share your life with a guy, but not make him your life.I changed my focus, and so can you.-Frank B Kermit
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