A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey this may seem like a stupid question but I have no one else to talk to about it without sounding stupid! So there's this guy that I work with that I have had a crush on for a while now we are pretty close and flirt back and fourth all the time, I have even had people ask if we are together, but there is a problem he already has a girlfriend. I know their relationship is a bit rocky because he sometimes talks to me about it but I cant help but wish we were together even though I know its never going to happen as he doesn't see me in that way. The thing is this is not the first time ive done this I always like guys that I know I cant have or who don't want me back and it kills me but I just cant seem to stop myself.I suppose my question is how do I stop this? As I know how pathetic it is and it makes me feel horrible on a daily basis. I just dont know what to do!
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crush, flirt, has a girlfriend, I work with Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2014): Let me clarify things I said in my last post. You don't really want the guy who has a girlfriend. He displayed his vulnerable side and intimated some issues about his relationship you can relate to. So you feel he knows your pain. Long before you met him, someone else hurt you. Ever since then, you've been meeting guys who don't respond to you emotionally. That's what I meant when I said they use and abuse you, and you thrust yourself into bad situations. You always end up hurt, and repeating the same cycle.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2014): Relying on crushes on people you can't have keeps you in a safe place. If they belong to someone else, it doesn't hurt as much when they dump you. He wasn't yours to begin with.
There is a predictable outcome. Self-fulfilling prophesy.
You pick a lousy guy who uses and abuses you. You don't feel you can do any better. He dumps or ignores you. Just as you expected.
You don't stop because you let your feelings lead you around. You're exhibiting self-destructive behavior!
You chose not to use any self-discipline over your emotions; so you let your feelings run you into the ground. That's immature.
You need to work on yourself, and stop depending on guys to give you validation. You're recklessly thrusting yourself into bad situations; because someone hurt you badly. So now you're tormenting yourself. You're seem to be in pain.
Once you let go of that one guy that hurt you the most;
you'll heal, and pull yourself back together. I know the signs of a broken-heart when I see them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2014): well as you know it is best not to get your hopes up about this person. Simply because he is in a relationship and you have to let nature run its course. Stay around as a mate but nothing more and see what happens .I had something similar happen with somebody I worked with , when she joined I knew she had a chap and well I just took her as a work colleague from then but we worked together everyday and I started to like her , she used to flirt a little and so did I. she was even the once discussing dumping him But I never once instigated anything .you are like most people , we want what we can not have.The only thing I can suggest is get out there and meet new people , there is bound to be some lad out there that will try to impress you to get your attention.
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