A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Cupiters!I need some advice PLEASE! Ok, I've noticed that whenever I start talking to a new guy, I wait for him to call or text first.. It's rare that I make a first move. Now, do guys like that (maybe a chase kinda thing) or do they just see it as 'she's probably not that interested'. I don't want to seem needy or clingy. So, I guess that's why I just go along with my day..do my thing and just see if the guy contacts me first. I'm just getting to know a guy over the phone (met him thru an online dating site)..planning a first date in about a week or so!! Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (8 January 2009):
In general, guys like to have some indication that their attention is at least acceptable, if not welcome. At the very earliest stages this could be nothing more than a smile and "Good morning.".
There are MANY other examples of similar things you might do, but you can learn a lot by looking at the dynamics of a simple greeting like that. It is a safe, socially acceptable way to make contact that doesn't obligate either party to any further interaction. If the greeting is returned, either party can build on it until real conversation is occurring. If it's ignored you can pass on without being the least bit embarrassed or insulted. Or you could repeat it on future occasions, with the knowledge that you are at least brightening somebody's day.
The classic "quiet and shy" guy needs encouragement to continue the interaction and will probably welcome your attention if it has purpose and content. He probably won't see you as needy or clingy unless the contact seems empty, purposeless, or contrived - like texting "Hi - what are you doing?" more than once or twice a day.
(p.s. - Contrary to some popular beliefs, many "quiet and shy" guys actually have very strong personalities. If you encourage him to uncover that personality you may be rewarded with a very loyal and devoted boyfriend.)
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