I always inititate sex with my husband and he never does. When I try to talk about it, he refuses! I feel so alone.

A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I need some advice. I dont mention this to my friends because people think we have the perfect relationship and it is, well almost.... I have been with my partner for two years, he is my dream man, when we first met and still to this day there is huge chemistry between us, we love being in each others company, are affectionate, cuddle, kiss and hold hands all the time. We do lots of things together and have our own friends and do things apart, we laugh, are playful and are very happy in each others company and have a very well balanced relationship. We have a great sex life, however something has always bothered me. It always seems to be me that initiates sex, when I do, he never rejects me and it is both passionate and loving, on so many levels I feel so close. But over time I feel increasingly sad that he never initates sex with me and I feel so undesirable, this puzzles me as he always tells me I look beautiful, stunning, that he loves me so much and is proud of me. I know when we first met he was being gentlemanly, but we have been together sometime now and recently married and I just feel so sad and undesirable. I am very slim, have a good figure, above average looking and a nice person. I have on several ocassions tried to discuss it. I have been met with various answers, but whats at the back of my mind is that he has in the past ( before we met) had a lot of women and I know of an incident where he went off with a girl in less than an hour of knowing her, in my friends car of all places. i wouldnt care about this, if he was like it with me - even ocassionally. Why doesnt he carry me off like this ? He has said he's sorry he's made me feel this way, for him he doesnt understand, how dejected I feel as Im always initating sex with him and he always feels secure and desirable and irresistable. As he wont talk to me my mind goes off at a tangent and its easy to go off and draw wrong conclusions. In my mind hes this mad red blooded male, whos slept with 100's of women, yet im the one he says he's madly in love with, the only one he's ever wanted to marry,when he looks at me he is so smitten and we are so close, but he's not comfortable talking about stuff like this.He's even said that he sometimes cant believe im with him and that he thinks im too good for him, which made me very sad as its completely riduculous.He wont tell me how many people hes slept with, which makes me think it must be really high and I want to be able to talk to one another about anything, which he says he can, yet he doesnt. I wonder whether he's just like it with me or whether this is just the way he is built. So many unanswered questions. We have had a very tough time over the last 18 months, where life has been very challenging with our jobs, long hours and a family member seriously ill, who we lost and has devasted us, and we have stood together as each other's rock, we dont know what we would have done without one another. Im trying to factor all of this in, im an intelligent person and have tried to apply logic and reason, but I still feel so alone and the situation is still unanswered. Would welcome thoughts / advice. thanks

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