A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a middle aged man with trust issues. I have been dating a woman for over a year and the relationship has a lot of promise. When we started dating she told me that her last relationship ended "a couple of months ago" and "it was no big deal". However, from day one she has an intense hatred for a guy who is her direct subordinate. She has it out for him and she and has been trying to fire the guy but her HR department won't let her. I recently came to know that she had a passionate sexual relationship with him. That she invited him to move in with her just a couple of months before we met. She doesn't know I know at this point. I am interested in hearing what you would do if you where me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 An awful aspect of this situation is that she's basically harassing this guy into losing his job. She's guilty of creating an environment of hostility based on lack of sexual/romantic access to this guy (doesn't matter who broke up with whom or why).
If the tables were turned and he was the boss and she was the subordinate and he was trying to fire her, um, he'd likely be looking for work now.
She's the one who's going to wind up losing her job.
And Ciar is completely right when she says that it would be best to remove yourself from the equation, as her vindictiveness could well turn on you in an instant. I hope you don't work with her?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Everything Ciar said is correct.
her past is really not open for discussion unless she wants it to be...
but the fact that she HATES says she is not done with him.
HATE is not the opposite of love ambivalence is.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 She's not obliged to inform you of her past relationships. Obviously she was very hurt and doesn't want to relive the details for you.
However, the fact that she continues to nurture a deep hatred for this man and has involved others in her quest for vengeance tells me that chapter isn't closed and she is a nasty piece of business when provoked. It might be a good idea to remove yourself from the equation before she becomes more invested in you.
It's not the lie of ommission that concerns me here but the fact that the ex is still in the picture and her vindictiveness. This could be you one day.
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