A
male
age
51-59,
*obert66
writes:10 days ago I found out my wife is having an affair. We've been married for 20 years. She just turned 40 and I am 43. Yes, we got married very young, never had a chance to experience so called "single life". Life was not very romantic with me over stressing about providing, raising our kids, etc. She finally gave up and found a man, she claims makes feel like a woman. I am devastated. I blame myself for this, I know I allowed her to fall out of love with me and these are the consequences. I can't explain why I feel this way, but I want her back no matter what. I know she is a good woman and I screwed up. It took this to make me realize and now I am hearting. Please give me some advise what to do?
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, onedayatatime  +, writes (21 January 2009):
Hi, The story you tell reflects exactly what i have just experienced with my husband of 22 years.This is still fairly new to me and i am still trying to come to terms with this.How old are your children? It is not unusual for affairs to start when the kids don't need us anymore ..........but this is so wrong they need us more.My husband got a shock when he seen how my kid reacted to his behaviour.It never entered his head that he was also cheating here. He admitted indirectly that it was something he needed but it would also maybe have blown over fast if i had not found out.I don't buy this as it could have developed into something much deeper.It also shocked him when i asked him to stay, he blamed me for not loving him enough etc etc it was all my fault. It was awful and like you i took the blame and ran after him trying to convince him that i was worth staying for.he agreed to stay but the contact continued. This is heartbreaking. It is the worst feeling in the world, you feel degraded , trodden on and it takes all of your self esteem.Arguments arise when you find out that there are more lies. Our relationship turned around after i spoke to the other woman on the phone and explained that although we have had our problems, she should take into consideration that we have been together over 20 years. This has not all been bad and we must have something special she can't compete with no matter what. I explained that i loved my husban very much and she would always have to remember that even if he left me for her.I told her further that my husband had agreed to try to continue with me which means that he also has doubts about her.He was very depressed for about 1 month and was almost impossible to live with. I continued to spoil him and go that extra mile to show i cared without being over soppy!At last he is now being nicer, happier and i really believe him when he says that the contact has stopped.This really was a great day, however, it is not all over yet, i still have to learn to trust, the bad dreams may never go away but at least i have learned that a marriage takes two to continually work at it.I hope that you are strong enough to do what it takes to keep her, i hope that this other guy is just a player it will make it easier for you to get her back. The reality is that it is happening and she is in a phase where she is only concerned with her own feelings.The other guy obviously now knows that you know things can change fast. If she doesn't leave to be with him then the affair is not solid. I really hope that this turns round for you. I feel your pain i wish that on no one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): No it's not your fault. Your wife is no good for your family, and you have to break your heart even further by cutting yourself free. You must focus on your children now (I'm assuming you have children). I know you love your wife VERY much, but her activities are too unstable for your family. Marrige is NOT happily ever after. This why so many couples experience honeymoon shock. Life is challenging, unfair, and about enduring struggles. This is for evey man, women, and child. Image two people trying to join their lives. So now you must pick up the pieces, and try to become the person you now relize you're not. Your wife really has to stop being selfish, growup and confront what she wants in her life. She should have been very open and told you. Well this letter is just from my outside opinion. I wish the best for you.
...............................
|
