A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in trouble. One of my closer girlfriends would like to date me but I don't think I should date her at all. I admitted that I was bi-curious but honestly, I've never acted on it and I don't believe that it changes that much about me. After she asked me, I thought and thought about it and realized that my preference is in men. I don't think I can ever be in a true, romantic relationship with a woman even though sometimes I do feel an attraction. But, how can I tell her all that without hurting her or losing her friendship? She has a background of depression/anxiety and I really don't want to hurt her in any way. I do care for her very much...and maybe that's what she's responding to. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (20 December 2012):
I've lived through this sort of thing. I told my friend the truth, that I loved her and could see her as much more than a friend, but i valued our friendship too much to risk losing that special bond over a romantic gamble that could be devastating to us both. I told her that i thought that this was the best decision for both of us and not to look at this conversation as a romantic rejection because it wasn't. Our friendship was perfect.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 December 2012):
 I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am bi but I prefer to have relationships with men and have "fun and games" with women....
tell her you care for her deeply as a friend but you do not want to lead her on to think that you want more than close friendship...
tell her exactly what you told us... clearly it's not a case of I don't want a relationship (with you) but more of a "I really think of girls a bit differently than boys"
who knows maybe she's game for a bit of fun and games experimentation.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (20 December 2012):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Try to talk to her gently about the whole thing. Do everything step by step. I admit, it will hurt her if she feels that way about you. Just try your best at putting your words and don't be too harsh when telling her your preference otherwise she'll find it a bit shady. Tell her you still want her to be in your life as a good friend and nothing will change just wanting her friendship. Eventually she'll get over it and she will find the right person as you will and you both can move on and this will all just be behind you. Trust your gut and you will be good. And remember, don't rush into the conversation that way she'll feel worried from the get go. Just go accordingly.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (20 December 2012):
 I prefer either or but If I were you I would.flat out tell her exactly what you put on this site. Im sure she would understand this to the fullest. Communicate it.
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A
female
reader, Jovian Erinys +, writes (20 December 2012):
 If you care about her, be honest with her, gently.
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