A
female
age
41-50,
*irz2000
writes:I started dating my sons father about 4 yrs ago. In the past 4 years it has been really difficult, because alot changed between us. One day I decided that he was the one that I wanted to have my 1st child with, and he was willing to try after I told him. Obviously we had a baby. A boy. But during that process when I was pregnant he left me, because his friends were telling him it wasnt his. After our son was born, he realized there was no denying him, since he was a spitting image. We got back together, and then he split again with me randomly. Said that he didnt know if he wanted to be with me. He slept with another girl..(an ex) during the process and I found out. Confronted him, and still continued to be separated for about 6 months. He came back to me telling me he loved me and missed me, and i took him back under the condition that he would stop his drug usage. Now our son is almost 2 and he has decided to leave me again. And started using. Still saying now that he does not know if he wants to be with me. Im afraid the same thing will happen and he will come back. What should I do? I have a job offer in another city, should I just up and move?
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (28 October 2007):
 It is a hard decision to make in divorcing someone and leaving to a different destination. The old saying you can run but you can't hide has a bit of meaning here. I know that the job offer in a different city gives you an option but remember that when you do this many things will change. I have been thru this myself many years ago. The only real difference is that I didn't have a child to take care of at the time.
If you choose to go this route think hard on the fact that you will not have anyone to help you. You will need someone to help in giving you the moral support that you might need. It will be hard but if you make the committment to go you must stay strong.
Things do sound pretty bad for your marriage. I am sorry to hear of your troubles. Your husband appears to have a bad drug problem and is unable to stay off of them on his own. If you still love him and want to keep your marriage, which has to be your choice, I would tell him about the job offer and say something like "I have been thinking about taking this job. I wanted you to know because I still love you and I want to give you time to get yourself straight. I am asking you to get some help in stopping your drug problem and if you love us you will."
Basically let him know that you still love him but that he has to love you and your child enough to do what he has to in order to keep you where you are. If you decide you need to move on with the job offer then make it plain what you will and will not accept at any rate. Marriage is a scared bond between a man and a woman remember that if you leave the marriage you will have to deal with all things on a different level.
I do pray that whatever you choose you ask God to help you to decide. May he will be done.
God bless you and your family.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): You have a job off then go for it girl. This idiot will never be anything! You and your child deserve better and you wont ever meet the right person if you keep having him back. Remember the saying, life is too short. Have him out of your life and leave him out. If a bloke had said that he didnt think the child was his then i would of kicked him to the bloody kerb then. He slept with an ex!!!! What more do you want? Get him out of your lives and move on. Your doors are opening now, walk through them!!!- No dont walk, bloody RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TAKE CARE
XX
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (28 October 2007):
 hi Girz 2000.
You and your baby are the most important people in the world, never forget that, it is very unfair of your ex to treat you this way and even thou he is the farther of your child, you both deserve to be treated a lot better, he is an unstable person and makes any excuse to leave you and your baby, so that he can return to his old habit, and you should be pleased he as gone, because he would become a danger to you and your baby, whilst under the affects of drugs.
I am pleased that you have the chance of a job in another city, you will be a lot more secure away from him, and can start a new life in peace, in your position i would go for it and enjoy a better life, for you and your son.
I wish you well, good luck
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A
female
reader, lala1806 +, writes (28 October 2007):
 let me first start off with saying be done with him....i kno you have a child together but ur main concern should be that child.....my father was and still is a drug user....wonamizer (cheater), and he loves to make a huge entrance and disappear...sounds like ur son may be going thro the same thing i had to do with my father if u dont stop this now.....first off him sleeping with another women is nonexcusable.....that should of been the ending point there.....and like i said ur child should be ur main concern at this time.....think about it what is better.....
ur son having a father that he cant look up to...cuz half the time he isnt even around and when he is he is using drugs or cheating?
or no father and have u move on and actually having a chance in meeting a decent guy that will take u and ur child for who u both are and love that child like he is his own???
i like the second one the best....cuz think about it the more and more this guy is around ur child the easier its going to become that this child is going to be exposed to drugs and other bad habits....another question to ask urself do u really want ur kid to end up more than just a spitting image of his father? meaning not only inherit his looks but now his problems??? i dont think u want that for ur child.....he needs a stable father and no father is better than an unstable one.....i remember wishing my dad was around and when he came around and spent time with us i didnt like him and i wish til this day that i never met him cuz then atleast i would not have to meet him and kno from experience what a terrible person he could be.....
now for that job.....only take this job if its a good thing for u and a new start....dont take it just to get out of ur town so u wont be worried about ur ex....dont make him think ur taking this job and running from him that will only make matters worse.....but if this job will better ur financial stability and will get u a new start i think thats the best way to go cuz it sounds to me that both u and ur child need a clean new start free of dead beat fathers, cheaters, and drug adicts....my mother will tell u that u can only say he will change so many times til u realize after many years wasted that it wont happen...and he needs to realize that he can only say he will change so much til he realizes that he just needs to get help.....hope this helps good luck.....
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