A
female
age
30-35,
*issable.Lips
writes:I have been seeing an amazing guy for a couple months now but it’s become more of a friend with benefits relationship then anything else. We are both totally comfortable with each other and could just sit and talk for hours but at the same time there is an undeniable passionate spark between us. He has openly admitted he could see us being more then just friends and doesn’t like the idea of me going out with other guys.The problem? He wants to see me get my degree and succeed in life. Not a bad thing, I love the support but I feel as though its being used as a constant excuse. What exactly is stopping me from succeeding by getting involved with him. I also know he has issues with the idea of relationships after watching them fail over and over again with others, its made him afraid to experience it himself because he feels like its bound to happen to him as well. Should I confront him? Admit I have feelings for him that go deeper then friendship? If there is already the mental and physical intimacy of a relationship what’s stopping that final baby step? I just want to show him that I want him but I can’t sit on the sidelines forever waiting. How do I avoid ultimately losing him?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 August 2009):
You shouldn't be worried about you losing him... it's him that's messing you about so you need to make him see that he is going to lose YOU.
He's being useless and indecisive so you have to take control of the situation and make him see how he's being a bit of an idiot.
Yes you should tell him that you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend and then if he isn't sure then tell him you'll give him a week to think about it and then leave and go home. Don't say any more, just say that you really like him and hope he thinks you are worth giving things a go with.
Don't talk to him after that. If he calls ask him if he's made a decision and if not then tell him you have to go.
You have to make him realise how sad he'll be if he loses you.
After the week if he hasn't said he's willing to be in a proper relationship then tell him you need to get over him and not get hurt. So only see him as a friend. Public places, no alcohol.
He'll either change his mind, or if he doesn't then you will be able to move on and start seeing other people.
It'll be a hard 7 days but it's better than torturing yourself for the next 3 months wondering how to make him love you.
Good Luck!! xx
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