A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married to my husband for 3 years now, and found some quite strange pictures of him online by accident; the photos were of him wearing a bikini and leather skirt, and him eating a doughnut.It was a rather old-fashioned website with loads of photos and basic design.They were from September 2013; that's not long after we first became a couple in August '13.We met in Nov 2012 at a friend's party, but didn't start dating until March 2013 and became a couple by August.I know everyone's got a past but this happened while we were still dating.This is worrying me, as I didn't even KNOW he did this sort of thing and I've also discovered on that same site there were 100 photos of him wearing a red bikini and covered in whipped cream. On that same site were photos of him wearing an Australia-flag bikini, and one of him wearing a crop top and running briefs holding a whip... around 80 of those photos.It was weird and creepy to find.The website appeared to be a site about politicians and photos of people in bikinis.The date of the photos? August 2018.Why would he wear bikinis and women's athletic wear?I'm wondering if this is something he did just for the money, or a fetish.I don't know how to discuss this with him and am embarrassed.I thought we had an open marriage - that is, open as in no secrets, not open marriage sexually - but alas, no.He's never mentioned about wanting to wear bikinis before to me, so this is bloody fucking surprising!I love my husband but am now wondering why he'd do this, and if he's secretly done this during our marriage as well.Why would a guy model women's bikinis and do this sort of stuff and who would be the audience for this site?I know you may think "it's fake", but weird shit does happen.I'm having a tough time processing it, especially as I'm a mother of a 2-year-old daughter.So, he'll always be in my life whether I'm with him or not, he's the dad.This is worrying me no end and I need help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2021): I think you should just confront him and get this all out in the air. It's going to drive you nuts until you do. This man is now your husband, and the father of your child. Now address the issue, come to a favorable concession, and move-on with your life.
If you've ever viewed TIKTOK, Instagram, and Snapshot; you will find videos and pics of people doing the most outrageous and ridiculous things. People want to be famous...or infamous!!!
Unlike back in the 20th-century; when you made dumb videos with a clunky camcorder, and the worst that could happen is the video will be discovered by your kids going through boxes in the back of your closet. Maybe you'll get exposed during a hunt for embarrassing or incriminating-material by your political-opponent trying to dig-up dirt back in your college days! Nobody is really aware of your hidden past; unless you actually went deliberately digging for it. Now strangers on the street can anonymously record very private activities or behavior while you're unaware. Don't pretend you have no skeletons or secrets you haven't shared with him; that you wouldn't want him to judge you for. Not everyone has a pristine past. Somebody will find something; or knows something about you, that he doesn't! He must have been some party-boy!
Well, sweetheart, this is the 21st-century. Where things can be chronicled, recorded, or documented on video; and then broadcasted for the entire world to see!
I mean, seriously?!! You knew nothing about how he used to party while you were dating? Nobody warned you? Not even his friends? He must be one heck of an actor and chameleon! Able to completely conceal everything about himself. Come on, you probably ignored red-flags and warnings; because you were on a mission to find yourself a husband. In the tech-age; social media is the first place people will search to check-up on you!
I would think he was goofing-off. Most likely high and/or drunk; while posing for those pics. Bear also in-mind, how people are dreadfully cruel; and will expose photos and videos they've taken and published without permission. Their point is to humiliate you; or to destroy your reputation by spreading them on social media. You always have to be mindful these things comeback to bite you in the bum! They may have been playful, or what you thought to be benign at the time.
Poor-judgement is usually the culprit behind humiliating behavior and images archived for all eternity; while the model (or subject-matter) depicted in these historical-documentaries are totally oblivious to the future ramifications! Particularly, employer vetting and background checks. Character-investigations done by prosecutors; or the P.I. investigations paid for by attorneys. Gathering dirt for their clients, who are plaintiffs in a lawsuit. In most cases, the target (or unwitting-subject) thought it was cute or funny at the time. Kept just amongst friends and contacts! Forgetting that what goes online will be out there forever; and will be spread virtually all over the world! Unfortunately, youthful-judgement and/or the intoxicated-mind; doesn't think so logically, and isn't so precautionary. It's not until things like this occur that you realize the error of your ways.
I can imagine the shock. Most drunken-behavior and frat-boy antics go undiscovered; but rarely these days. To have made so many; he is pretty much aware they'd catch-up with him someday. The prevailing wisdom is to cross that bridge when you get there; and to deny it's you, or it's just a doppelgänger. They say, everybody has one!
Well, assess the quality of your married-life thus far. People do grow-up and settle-down from their wild party-days of the past; but unfortunately, you cannot erase the past. Especially, when it has been so well preserved and chronicled documentary-style. If you're both in your 30's; the past isn't that far back!
He's got some splaining to do!
Not much you can do, if he likes to wear bikinis and women's sports bras. It's a "quirk" you'll have to learn to tolerate. You can explicitly demand that he never practice cross-dressing in your home, or around your child. He may have given that up. Keeping it out of sight, and out of mind; might be the best and only solution.
Without a confession, or catching him in the act; you can't just assume he still likes to model bikinis. If you do happen to catch him, I guess you won't be too shocked.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (10 April 2021):
I also wandered how you managed to stumble across this website.
You ask why your husband might do this.... there could be any number of reasons why someone chooses to cross-dress.
Some people are sexually aroused by it, some people are gender fluid and want to spend some time being female
And there are loads of histrionic people who just simply love to hog the lime-light no matter how they do it. I had a boyfriend once who loved streaking in night clubs when he was drunk and would gladly don ladies clothing if given the chance (I dumped him because he was an alcoholic- streaking is funny once or twice but not every other weekend)
And some people do things to make a political statement. (You did say that the site features politicians) There's a school near where I live where all the boys wear a dress to school for a week during the summer term in protest against the school's uniform policy which states that they can't wear shorts in hot weather but doesn't state that they can't wear a dress. They run a front page feature on it every year in my local rag...
But you're the one who's married to him and in the best place to guess why he might have done these things. So you'll have to ask him.
This is what I would do....
I'd print out several pictures and post them all around the house before he got home. (Obviously I'd have to choose a day when I was home first or take a half day)
Since you have a child you'd have to confine the pictures to places your daughter doesn't have access to if the pics are really risque. If some of them are tame - I'd post them up and just say to my daughter "Doesn't Daddy look silly?" At 2 she won't get it.
Put the pictures somewhere where he will definitely see them. Put them on his side of the bed if you like.
Then when I heard my husband come through the door I would call out cheerily "Hi Honey". Then I'd wait until he saw all the pictures and watch his reaction but I'd remain calm and patiently smiling.
His reaction would probably be "What the hell's all this?" Or words to that effect.
And then I would smilingly reply "Strange - I was going to ask you EXACTLY the same question! Now, why don't you sit down and tell me all about it... I'm dying to know......" And then I'd smile again and wait patiently.....
If he asks instead "Where did you get those" - I would reply "I got them from xyz website. You look hilarious but why did you post them there?" and again I'd say it without anger or malice and patiently wait for his reply....
Of course, I've only got an imaginary husband......
Perhaps get a baby sitter for your daughter if either you or your husband have very short tempers but if you ask him without accusation or judgement you're more likely to get an honest answer.
And I may not be very tech-savvy but if the pictures were posted in 2018, that doesn't necessarily mean they were taken in 2018. And doesn't necessarily mean that they were posted by him either.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 April 2021):
 I agree with Honeypie, there is not an awful lot you can do really apart from printing a few off and ask him what these are all about.
It was quite early on in your relationship, so was he partying hard in the beginning of your relationship?.
How did you end up on this particular web site?.
Could be an ex, or someone playing a prank faking pictures of him.
But as i say, all you can do is ask him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 April 2021):
 Print out a few of the pictures and ask him point-blank WTF is going on?
We can't tell you what's going on.
This is your marriage and this is obviously upsetting you so you NEED to take the bull by the horns and have this out in the open. The only way for you to figure out what's next.
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