A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Everyday I feel more and more sick.My husband always asks for sex but I don't want it, he wants a child but I don't, not even an adopted child, but he insists, and now he's trying to turn me on but I say no.The real problem is he's searching online for a new partner. What shall I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 July 2017):
 Is this not something you both spoke about before you got married? Surely it must have came up before you go serious. If he is searching for a new partner it sounds like he has made his mind up.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (22 July 2017):
 Usually I see this played the other way, where the wife wants kids but the husband doesn't. In this case, you're the spouse who doesn't want kids, and boy is he putting WAY too much pressure on you to do so.
The problem with your approach is this:
You do *NOT* have to get pregnant, but responding to this by not having sex with him is the wrong way to go about it. They DO make birth control that's mega-effective, and if your guy has hidden your birth control pills or poked holes in condoms or tried to sabotage your birth control to strong-arm you into pregnancy, then go get the Depro-Provera injection, which lasts 3 months and is done at a doctor's office and is something he can't tamper with.
You have the right to not want kids, but if you're not willing to be physically intimate with your spouse EVER, then why are you married??
He is trying to manipulate you as well as looking to replace you. This is no joke. Don't have a kid to avoid losing him as a husband. If this children disagreement is an immovable issue (i.e. you KNOW you will never ever want kids for life), then you should do the kind thing for him and the smart thing for you and leave him. Otherwise, it'll be a sexless misery for both of you, and you'll wonder if he'll try to trick you into pregnancy.
Seriously. The birth control shot!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 July 2017):
 What exactly is it you expect him to do?
I don't promote cheating but I don't see anything for either of you in this relationship. You give him what he wants, you become miserable and make his life hell. He gives you what you want, he becomes miserable and makes your life hell. No one wins here.
It appears he's searching for your replacement, or maybe your supplement. Either way I'd say it was time for both of you to part ways.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (19 July 2017):
 OP, Trust me, if you aren't maternal,it probably will never happen as there are cases where some women never become maternal regardless of the oxytocin that's supposed to bond you to the child.
Having said that,I don't think that you should budge on having kids if it's something that you really do not want.
On your relationship as a whole, one of you will have to budge on what you want. Either you will have to have kids and as much sex as he desires or he will have to have no sex and no kids...and that right there is your most major problem. The fact that thesse issues are there means that you two have compatibility issues which should have been discussed thoroughly before marriage.
Now, you need to decide whether this marriage is worth holding on to because just because you are married does not mean that you have to remain married. You really need to assess your relationship because of all the issues that are already there.
Good luck OP
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2017): Are you pregnant? Many women go into denial on pregnancy and they also go off the hub and they feel literally nauseous.Its not until a few weeks later on that they actually start gagging up.Are you sure he is looking for an online woman while still married to you?You could be getting paranoic if you are assuming this just because youve gone off him.The first 12 weeks of pregnancy are the most vulnerable generally which is why this heady feeling and strange going off hubby occurs.Perhaps originally we were like cats who slunk off to their solitary dens after the deed was done so that the foetus had a better survival chance.( or multiple foetus in the case of cats!)If youre a little more tired than usual and feeling very disinterested in a sex life with him at this particular time then it might be something to think about.But whatever the outcome you are unlikely to be expecting multiple births but I have heard that twins can amplify the feeling.It can be natures way of protecting your precious cargo!And some women feel better once they get past this hurdle so dont automatically assume anything but check it out and share the news with him after you have fallen over backwards in disbelief!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2017): Firstly I wouldn't recommend having a baby if you don't want one. That is an unfair and cruel start for a child if they were born simply because mummy wanted to keep daddy happy... People know if they want children or not, often people know from fairly young that marriage and children is for them and if it's not then it is something that should be spoken about with a long term partner because situations exactly like this arise when people don't talk about it. I've always wanted children, and knew my husband wanted to wait to be a bit older. I was happy to wait too, as it meant we'd be more financially stable. We just had to have that chat about it all, luckily we're on the same page and it worked out fine. Your husband is probably looking online to get a reaction from you, or make you suddenly feel like you're going to lose him so you will start to consider a child. If you do not ever want children, and your husband clearly is desperate to have a family, then you've got to be the bigger person and end the marriage. Neither of you can spend your life wishing things were different. If you don't have children, your husband will always regret that, if you have a child when it isn't something you wanted in life then you're going to always feel frustrated with your husband for pushing you into that decision. You deserve to be with someone who is happy to be married without children, your husband deserves to meet a lady with whom he can have a family. Were things going well for you before marriage? Part of being in a relationship for most people is sex, and as a married couple sex is going to be involved (unless a partner, or both partners, have their own feelings or reasons for not wanting to be intimate but this would be spoken about before getting married!) If you're not willing to be intimate and have sex with him and you both want different things in life, this isn't a healthy relationship for either of you. You can't spend your life unhappy, and neither can your husband. I would suggest you both speak openly and honestly to each other and consider separating so you can both find happiness in life.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 July 2017):
 Let him go then- you two are not compatible
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2017):
 Why are you with him?
You don't want to partake in sex (which MOST married couples have) you seem mad at him and upset. So WHY are you with him?
If he wants kids and you don't, you two are NOT a good match. NO one should feel "forced" to have or NOT have kids.
Did you two not talk about kids BEFORE you said your "I do's"? Or has either of you changed your mind.
You are leaving out a LOT here.
It's impossible to tell if you JUST don't WANT sex or you don't want it because he is looking online for partners.
What exactly are you asking?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2017): Was there a understanding before marriage that you don't want sex or to have children?
If he's blatantly searching online to your knowledge; he's purposely attempting to make you jealous, and he's being a bit dramatic to make a point of it. It appears you married him under false-pretenses. I can't see how he would willingly walk into a a sexless-marriage with no hopes of having a family; unless he was lead to believe otherwise.
What can you do? Start looking for a good divorce lawyer. He has two good reasons to file for divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2017): A marriage is about compromising. You have to be happy, but does he. Having a baby doesn't seem all that bad if that's what will make your husband happy. I'm sure giving valuing his opinion for wanting to have sex and a baby initiated the online partner search. Take your marriage back and have a child. Babies are blessing there maybe lots of happines for the two of you if you do.
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