A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband wants me to be completely submissive to him but i just can't seem to do it. I have tried in the past and he has asked me to do things that I felt were against my best interest and the best interest of our child. Can I ever get over this and be truly submissive or should I just tell him that I will never be able to do it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Wonder79 +, writes (21 May 2009):
It doesn't sound very fair that he wants you to be 'totally submissive' when that is not the person you are.
If you two had a fairly equal relationship before you got married, why would be want you to be so submissive now? If he truly fell in love with you, as the person you are, he should not be asking you to change in such a drastic way. In a way that you are obviously not comfortable with.
Personally, I also believe marriage is an equal partnership. This is the 21st century and male dominance in marriage feels like a very archaic, unrealistic concept.
Please do what feels right for you, even if that risks your relationship with him. You are responsible for yourself and your child first. You deserve to be an equal partner in your marriage and not a 'submissive'.
Remember as well, you will set the example for your child. How do you want your child to view you and women in general?
Best of luck with everything.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): In a marriage, both partners should be equal in everything. You don't say whether he wants to dominate you in the bedroom or generally - a sort of 'do as I say' attitude - but if you're not comfortable about being dominated sexually you don't have to submit to whatever it is he wants to do to you. Notice I say 'to' rather than 'with'.
If he's dominant in other ways and you don't like it, you just have to stand up for yourself and tell him you won't be dictated to.
Whichever scenario it is, you don't tell him you're 'unable' to do it, you tell him you're NOT going to do it.
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