A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been married 20 years and my husband is curently deployed overseas. He's been gone for about 5 months. about a week ago he told me that he doesn't love me any more and never really has loved me the way a husband should... He has recently had surgery over there and gotten really sick with a bacteria a couple of weeks later! I can't believe that I could live with a man for 20 years and not now he didn't love me, cause he sure acted as if he did.. He always told me he loved me and had me gifts made with sayings that he had made up himself... I need help trying to figure out what's going on with him.. Our children even say he's not the same person... Depression, Pdst, midlife crisis He's 43, turned it since he's been gone... Please Help me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Sure he has been thru lots of deployments, but has he ever had one like this? He had surgery, did he get hurt over there? Depending on the issue, they would have to send him back to the US. Also, contracting a bacteria in a foreign country sounds extremely dangerous.
How would you say your marriage has been otherwise?
Think of this way, you're a military wife. You're one tough cookie...You two have been married for 20 years, children together, and you've stuck by him when other military wives cheat on their husbands during deployments. That says a lot about your marriage.
To me this just sounds like he's sick and tired of the military, tired of deployments, and needing this deployment to be done.
Continue to email him, Facebook, and mail off the care packages. Go on about your normal routine when he's deployed. Put this issue to the back of your mind until he gets back. There's nothing you can do to fix it, since he's there and you're here. Give him time to readjust to the States then try to see what is really going on. If need by subject the both of you to marriage counseling. You can talk to your chaplain and see if he can place you with a counselor. This is potentially fixable, you just have to wait to get to the root of the problem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've just been so lost and confused and so have our children! I've begged him to wait and less see how it is when he comes back, he just says he doesn't know what he wants to do! Your answer has helped me alot, think I just need that confidence! He has 3 and a half years left til he retires! We've been through deployments before, just never had anything like this! I've already told him that i'm not giving up on us, he is my soul mate and I know this! He says he doesn't want to go talk to anyone, so I know that it's part of depression or something... Right now I just say lots and lots of prays and have put it in God's hands! But any other advice on things I could and should do would be helpful.... Thank you again for the great advice!!!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 May 2011):
You know being deployed makes you act a bit nutty. Not from personal experience but from dating soldiers and being married to one, you hear horror stories from what happens over there. Imagine what that could do to a person. That's also why soldiers have mandatory personal counselors when they come back from overseas to help them readjust to back to normal society and to do a bit of damage control.
How long does your husband have before he can retire out of the military? I really just see a man who is having a tough deployment and it's getting to him.
If the man didn't love you then why would he stay married to you for 20 years?
Really, I would set aside any "crazy talk" he spouts off and wait till he comes back from deployment to see what is really going on with him. Let him come back and adjust, then go from there. Besides I couldn't imagine going thru a divorce when your man is deployed. Not even sure if it's possible. If it is, it would be a pain in the ass.
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