A
female
age
41-50,
*ngBird
writes:I heard my now husband tell a friend of his that I was not much to look at but I make him happy. It killed me inside. I asked him about and basically said I took it out of context and has since made me feel like a beautiful princess and we have since gotten married. We live however in two different states because of employment and children from prior relationships. We see each other most weekends and sometimes a night or two during the week. Up until recently I trusted him fully. Is ex then told me he was sending her pictures of his private parts... Please note that she constantly harasses him for money. When I asked him he was honest and said he did it to aggravate her. I said I wanted to see the whole conversation but he had already deleted it. She then sent me texts from him says " only thing is we have to wait for a weekend my wife is not here".now I keep thinking bad to the nothing to look at comment and thinking how big of a fool am I. He said that he was just getting his ex worked up and wants nothing to do with her. Am I wrong for feeling hurt? I don't trust him anymore even though he admitted when asked. My self esteem is at an all time low. What do I do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): Im sorry but I think you need to wake up. Your husband has clearly demonstrated how he feels. The issue is your self esteem. Your low esteem is what is clouding your view and keeping you needy. Have you thought about turning things around? Try not going to see him at a weekend and make plans for yourself - perhaps go shopping, treat yourself at the hairdressers, go out with some friends - don't have to spend a lot just make sure you are doing things for yourself. If he calls, ignore the call. Ignore texts or reply 4 hours later with just a few words. You need to get your life back. I would stress this is not for revenge or to 'get him to pay you attention'. I think if you get the space you need for yourself, work on your self-worth, you will be in a better place to make some decisions about his behaviour. For now, ignore the whole subject as much as you can and work on yourself. This is not easy but it will help you enormously. Don't give him your energy... re-focus that energy on you. He has got you dancing to his tune. Change the record.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Sounds like you are in a bind.
You have a ton of circumstantial proof that your husband is cheating on you and at best, he certainly doesn't find you attractive -- I know I would feel extremely pained by his comment. Everyone wants to be found attractive by their mate and his comment was awful.
The fact that he is sending naked pictures to his ex and at least toying with her also indicates to me that he is flirting inappropriately with her and potentially sleeping with her.
If I were in your situation, I'd do the following:
1) Call your cell phone company and see if you can get records of his phone calls / texts. Sometimes these are available online. Repeated phone calls to her would indicate to me he is cheating. While he has to maintain some contact with her in regards to his children, you will be tipped off by the quantity and times of his calls.
2) Seek counseling... if not has a couple, go for yourself.
3) Work to resolve your multi-state living conditions. I've known many a couple who live like this and it puts their relationship in jeopardy. This should be paramount in whatever you do. Couples that are apart tend to drift apart and that sounds like what is happening now.
4) Also, make it abundantly clear that your husband is not to send pictures of his naked parts to her. Ask him how he would feel if you were sending pictures of yourself to your exes.
Hopefully your husband will heed his wake up call and quit gambling with his marriage.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Hi
I am not surprised you feel insecure. Its a weird set-up you have anyway,being married but living apart. He clearly gets bored when your not around and the Devil makes light work of idle hands.
It does make me wonder why he GOT married,or you for that matter. He is treating you badly, he shouldn't be sending texts or photos to his Ex,he is MARRIED to you.
I would leave both her,the ex who can't let go, and him, who is behaving like he can't let go, to their stupid games.
He should definately NOT be talking about you to her,anyone would get mad. THEY are the ones with the problem and no doubt you are great looking,and a lovely person.
Don't let their toxic relationship bring you down,consider exactly what YOU gain from the marriage and if there is really any point continuing.
Will you ever actually live together?
Will he stop contact with her except re the kids?
Will he stand up to her and tell her to leave you alone ,to stop sending you messages?
Who gave her your contact details?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): No its not suprising that you feel like this so dont doubt yourself because this is not your fault. People dont usually send pictures like that just to
aggravate their exes and so i understand why you dont trust him. And what you need to decide now is if you are willing to stay in this relationship where he is likely to carry on treating you like this leaving you not trusting him and feeling unhappy. And if you decide that you dont deserve this then you should leave him. He might try and get you to believe that he diddn't do it and to stay with him and if he does then telk him where to stick it and if he was that certain that he diddnt cheat then he wouldnt mind doing a lie detector test and if he wont then you should say bye bye.
Hope this helps.
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