A
female
age
41-50,
*eedhelp1500
writes:i found out that my husband of 11 years has beeing spending thousands of dollars on strip clubs and that he is addicted to xanax. I am devastated, how could he do this to me. We are struggling financially and he is spending money on strippers and being stoned on xanax will cost him his job. Should I divorce him. he is much older than me. i am 30 and attractive. I feel if i were older and not attractive it would be ok but this isnt the case.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): HiLet him live the life he has chosen over you...You can start again or give him time to wake up to REALITY.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Move out as you do not need a toxic (in every sense) relationship with this man. Give him space to see (or not) the error of his ways. It is not your job in life to worry about a grown man in this way and in the meantime be treated so badly. As you say - you are 30, young and attractive. Put up with misery for too long and all that will change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Sorry about the double posting, I had a phone call come in and somehow the msg was sent before I completed it...sorry about that!
Good Luck, and feel free to msg me privately if need be!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): This has NOTHING to do with your appearance or anything to do with you, period! Obviously, he has an addictive personality. Xanax addiction is a very serious addiction, and so is sex addiction. You need to think of yourself and your happiness! I would get out now! Then give him time to deal with his addictions on his own. You leaving him, (or telling him to get out) could be the "bottom" he has to hit before he gets the help he needs! And if he does get help and you see him trying, for a period of time (and that has to be atleast a year) Only then can you both begin to repair your marriage!
I lived with drug and sex addiction for over 16 years and by staying with him that long, nothing ever changed. Even when He did make attempts to get clean, by staying with him, I enabled him to continue his distructive behavior. My life was a living hell! You are young, you deserve to live a happy, normal life! Don't waste it on someone who has such self-destructive tendencies!
If you can't bring yourself to leave him, then get him into a rehab, if he refuses to do that, end the relationship (at least for the time being) There are 12 step programs all over the world for both his addictions. He needs to help himself. You can't do it for him. And if he should deny the sex addiction...he is in denial. An addict, has absolutely No Concience, hence the spending of money he doesn't have!
My ex died 4 months ago, of a massive heart attack, brought on by chronic use of drugs. He died alone and almost homeless! I am truly sad that he is gone, but I grieve for his pathetic life, more than for his death. He was truly incapable of changing! At least I know he is finally at peace! And although I hated his behavior, I never really stopped loving the man he used to be! I had to walk away though, because in the later years on top of his addiction he also became phyically and verbally abusive! But even if he hadn't, I realize that living with his addictions, was a hellish way to live and I didn't deserve that!
Good Luck and please keep us posted. I take these problems very seriously and follow them very closely!
Britt
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): This has NOTHING to do with your appearance or anything to do with you, period! Obviously, he has an addictive personality. Xanax addiction is a very serious addiction, and so is sex addiction. You need to think of yourself and your happiness! I would get out now! Then give him time to deal with his addictions on his own. You leaving him, (or telling him to get out) could be the "bottom" he has to hit before he gets the help he needs! And if he does get help and you see him trying, for a period of time (and that has to be atleast a year) Only then can you both begin to repair your marriage!
I lived with drug and sex addiction for over 16 years and by staying with him that long, nothing ever changed. Even when He did make attempts to get clean, by staying with him, I enabled him to continue his distructive behavior. My life was a living hell! You are young, you deserve to live a happy, normal life! Don't waste it on someone who has such self-destructive tendencies!
If you can't bring yourself to leave him, then get him into a rehab, if he refuses to do that, end the relationship (at least for the time being) There are 12 step programs all over the world for both his addictions. He needs to help himself. You can't do it for him. And if he should deny the sex addiction...he is in denial. An addict, has absolutely No Concience, hence the spending of money he doesn't have!
My ex died 4 months ago, of a massive heart attack, brought on by chronic use of drugs. He died alone and almost homeless! I am truly sad that he is gone, but I grieve for his pathetic life, more than for his death. He was truly incapable of changing! At least I know he is finally at peace! And although I hated his behavior, I never really stopped loving the man he used to be! I had to walk away though, because in the later years on top of his addiction he also became phyically and verbally abusive! But even if he hadn't, I realize that living with his addictio
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Xanax (benzodiazepines)used to treat anxiety disorders, panic disorders, and anxiety caused by depression. Should be only given for a short time (max 8 weeks) because is can also cause depression and is addictive. Severe withdrawal symptoms if it is stopped abruptly. It is very often misused by people with drug addiction. (wikipedia)
Your husband needs to see a doctor before you return. Is there any point talking to him until he makes the necessary steps to come off this drug...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alprazolam
http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/2001/501_drug.html#treatment
http://www.12steptreatmentcentres.com
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): That's a heavy burden... Obviously you are angry that this guy has put you in financial problems and is addicted to a drug...
Your angry, of course you are, and you have any reason. But you can take some time to sort your mind out, just walking out in angry might not be the best thing right now. Do you still love him, can you forgive him, do you have any kids, do you have financial responsibility together..
I would suggest that for the moment either you or he move out. You need to separate for a little while so you can think calmly and clearly without him around. He needs to tackle this addiction to xanax (don't know it) because he needs a clear head to sort this issue out. Only then will you both be clear headed enough to see what you want to do and if there is anything in your marriage worth saving. Separation should show him clearly just what he has to loose and should give him an opportunity to look at why he is like that, and how he's gonna behave from now on.
Whether you divorce or not is really up to you. But don't move to quickly. I don't know what your marriage is like, I don't know what type of man he is. There needs to be less anger and hurt, before you make the decision to stay or walk out. Take some time away to let out your pain.
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