A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. I have a worry. My husband and I have only been married 3 months. He is upset with me and will not communicate with me hardly at all. The past 3 days he has been getting in his truck and leaving without saying a word. A couple of weeks ago we had a discussion with money and he told me he was going to give me a month to find a job. I have since got unemployment started and have been applying to at least 1 job a day. I am lost and need help. What should I do?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 October 2011):
 When you guys argue...the logical way to go about it is to give each other time to cool off, collect your thoughts, then talk this argument out. You have to be able to COMMUNICATE in this marriage!
It sounds like he has issues communicating when it comes to an argument(s). Perhaps you two would benefit from marriage counseling down the road if he continues with his poor communication skills.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is why I got so worried in the first place. This was our first fight.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 October 2011):
Even though you haven't let on what spawned this fight, you two shouldn't be at each other's throats 3 months into the marriage. It sounds like you two have had a rocky relationship before marriage, if he's on your case about getting a job and ignoring you.
The first year of marriage is hard enough, but if you guys have always fought like this, then this marriage will not work.
Good luck, I hope it does get better for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Well congrats on the job, but if he keeps this up, look for a full time job so you can (if you have to take care of yourself). Sounds like he checked out of the marriage already.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone. Thanks for all the feedback. Here is an update. I finally found a job, it is part-time but it will pay more than unemployment will. My husband is still not talking to me very much and all he does at home now is sit on his computer or sleep. Well I am going to give him a little time to see if the stress lifts and then I am going to have a talk with him. If he wont communicate than I guess it is time to go the other way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2011):
What else is going on?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): why does your husband feel so upset with you? what have YOU done that might have caused him to be this upset? does he feel as if you've been taking advantage of him?
you've only been married 3 months? and already he's completely withdrawn from you and giving you an ultimatum? Clearly this didn't happen overnight, sounds to me like there was serious huge problems in the relationship even before the marriage? and yet you went ahead and got married anyway?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Yeah, there has to be more to this story. What got him to the point of not talking to you? And, three months married and he's treating you like this?
It doesn't matter what the reason, quite frankly. What is this ultimatum thing happening? What will he do if you don't get a job in one month? Leave you?
He's being unreasonable and most 3 year olds have more maturity than he does if he's treating the love of his life in this manner.
If I were you, stay calm and don't react to this. Don't allow his tactics to work, or you're setting up your whole marriage for this treatment. You have rights. If he drops you after you don't follow his asinine "ultimatum", take him to the cleaners.
I would recommend talking to some family and friends in case you need an exit strategy if he doesn't come to his senses.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 October 2011):
Employment is better than nothing coming in at all. Does he have a job?
What brought on this threat? Need more information.
The economy is still crap. When a decent job is available, you're competing with hundreds of other qualified applicants as well. In the end, only one is lucky. At least you're putting in some effort! Your husband needs to cut you some slack.
As a married couple, you'll always argue about money (unless you're very well of). At times there's not enough of it, or someone is being irresponsible with the check book. The key is to keep calm,level voice, and clear head when discussing this delicate topic. Try to approach your husband like Red stated. If that doesn't work then, give him a bit of space, keep on applying, and see if he'll communicate with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): This doesn't seem at all right, and I do not want to put the blame on you at all, but I'm guessing that his behaviour is something to do with stress over finances? That is still no reason to behave in such a manner but certainly I can see why you having a job and bringing another income into the house would help alot with money concerns.Your husband should be happy and supportive of you, and pleased that you are taking steps in the right direction for finding a job, so if he is still giving you the silent treatment you need to have a serious talk about what the real problem is. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (12 October 2011):
 His silent treatment is a form of abuse.The lack of communication will only shut your marriage down. Even unemployment gives you longer to search for a new job.Also, his expectation is unrealistic. Statistics show it can take up to 6 MONTHS to find a job in some fields. Initiate conversation in a relaxed manner and ask him when he is up to it can he chat with you for 5 mins. (Keep it real simple and short. You are trying to get him to open up)Address his concern without being defensive. "Honey, I wanted you to know I am on the same page with you regarding me being employed. I have plan and wanted you to know Im giving it my full effort. But, I want to say, that your silence hurts. What can we do to change that please?"Then listen. Hopefully he will vent and tell you why he is being so cold. Why do you think he is being silent?
...............................
|
