A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A little background of my situation. I have been married for almost 6 years. After about a year of happy marriage I found my husband talking with and exchanging nude pictures online. I confronted him and he apologized and promised it would never happen again. About 6 months ago I started getting the feeling that something was up and found where he had been messaging more men and had even met up with one and received oral sex. We talked about the issue again, attempted to make changes in our relationship and I forgave him. About 2 weeks ago I got that weird feeling again and checked our phone bill. I asked him abut 5 different numbers on there that I found odd (they were out of state) and every time he told me that he didn't know who they belonged to. I checked them out on FB and found they belonged to men. When I confronted him about my findings, my husband said he was only looking for friends. I don't think I believe him nor have a reason to due to our past. I don't have the option to just leave my husband at this point because I am a student in school for another year and a half. I'm not sure how to handle this situation and he is just going about like it didn't happen I however cannot stop thinking about it and the fact that he lied to me. How to I deal with this, I don't know if I can forgive him?I also think it is important to add that my husband (who was in charge of bills) kept it hidden from me that we were behind almost 3 months on our car payment and we almost lost our car so I took over bills to eliminate that problem.
View related questions:
nude pictures, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2014):
 Sorry, I would start looking for a par time job so you can pay for schooling and look into scholarships/student loans and then I would without a doubt DIVORCE him.
THIS will NOT stop.
Find a way to make it work without him, Many other women have done so, I can't imagine you can't find a way.
You keep "forgiving" which in his mindset means you will continue to do so EVERY TIME he does this. And EVERY TIME you "forgive" the trust, faith and love for him erodes. You will end up at a point where you will not only despise him, but yourself for staying.
Think of the STD's can can bring home to you. You willing to gamble your health to stay married? Your sanity?
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (2 January 2014):
Your husband clearly does not love you.....He is gay and is in the wrong relationship. You need to collect yourself and make a move. He clearly is using you and has been for years in a world of husband and wife when he clearly is not interested.
There is never a good time to leave. You are clearly hurting yourself with this marriage. You need to find a way to become one healthy person to stand on your own two feet. Speak with your family, speak with your friends. Find the support you need.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 January 2014):
 Your husband is gay. After 6 years if he's cheating on you, misspending your money, and sending nude shots of himself on the internet while telling you he's looking for friends, then he needs to be divorced.
You're young. The marriage is young. If he were cheating on you multiple times with other women, and after you forgave him and gave him another shot, he was messaging and sexting with other women, would you stay with him??? What's the difference??
He's a cheater who is morally bankrupt, and that's not because he's gay. It's because he is cheating, lying, and hiding money issues meaning he's probably blowing your money and destroying your credit.
The time for talking is over. You gave him a chance. To not leave him now is to put your head in the sand and effectively shout to him and everyone from your roof "I have an open relationship and my husband can sleep with whomever he chooses without any problems from me!"
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (2 January 2014):
 Forgiveness would be the least of my worries here.
Your husband is clearly determined to indulge himself with men and you can't rely on him to be forthcoming, to use sound judgment or take appropriate precautions. I doubt very much he's using any kind of protection and this puts you at considerable risk physically, financially and socially.
He doesn't have your back so you have to protect yourself.
Since there doesn't appear to be any rush to make a decision I suggest you quietly begin the process of withdrawal. Continue your studies, get your ducks in a row and then if and when the time comes, make your move. It should go without saying that you discontinue having sex with your husband or at least insist on using a condom at all times and engage in nothing risky. Also gather up whatever evidence you might need in divorce proceedings. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.
I wouldn't question him any further. There is nothing to be gained because you can't rely on him to be honest and even if he were he has nothing of any value to add to the discussion. You just take care of yourself and plan your own future.
...............................
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (2 January 2014):
 Your husband is not only bisexual/homosexual, he's also a cheat. Do you want to be with someone who repeatedly cheats on you? Do you think he values you enough? If I were in your shoes, I'd end it, no matter how painful. I couldn't live my life wondering what he's up to!
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 January 2014):
What I think you're missing here is this isn't about "forgiveness." Your husband is gay! He likes men. For the rest of his life he will like men and probably cheat on you with men. What you need to ask yourself, is if you can accept him for who he is and put up with him having sex with men? No? Then you need to find ways to move on with your life because you are not going to be happy EVER and it's just unhealthy. Regardless if you have another year and a half of school, if you really wanted to leave, you'd find a way.
...............................
|
