A
female
age
36-40,
*ajae1234
writes:I am pregnant, my brand new husband (9.9.2011)doesn't want me to keep the child. We both have children from previous relationships. When I wasn't pregnant he was constantly telling me that he wanted me to have his son (I have all daughters) and that he was going to get me pregnant. We had a pregnancy scare in the past and I told him I was going to abort because I wasn't ready. He was angry and it was WWIII! This time when I found out that I was pregnant I told him that I was keeping it. He didn't speak to me for days until I told him I was considering aborting, suddenly hes my best friend again. When I ask him about this discrepency and tell him I'm feeling manipulated he says that he was 'joking' when he said he wanted me to get pregnant and he dosn't want a kid right now. How would you handle this situation, its so frustrating and stressful. I feel like hes being so selfish and I don't need this right now.
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female
reader, Dajae1234 +, writes (14 September 2011):
Dajae1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the opinions. I've decided to keep the baby but to seperate from him. It all sounds like a big horrible controlling game to me, and as much as I didn't want to admit it 'NIme' is right (about some things, we didn't have a big wedding though!) lol. This isn't how married couples operate. This isn't a team effort. Its every man for himself. :( As painful as it is, I can't live my life this way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): your husband is being very unfair because he keeps back pedaling and doing a complete 180 again and again so how are you supposed to know what the real deal is?? Does he expect you to be a psychic and read his mind to know what he really wants when he told you something else?? This is no way to conduct a relationship let alone a marriage. People like this should not be married to anyone because they destroy other people's lives by misleading them. he told you he wanted you to have his kid and that he was going to get you pregnant and obviously you were not using birth control so all that fits together. So for him now to back pedal shows he's unstable. you can't trust him. I would recommend you not stay with someone like this. what else is his going to change on you without telling you? And he IS also being manipulative because he gave you the cold shoulder UNTIL you gave in, then he's your best friend again. He's completely selfish. yet another reason you shouldn't be with someone like this but since you're married, you're stuck with him so I don't really know what else you can do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Frankly, your husband sounds like a control freak... WWIII because you say you want to abort a pregnancy that you thought was happening, and then when you say you want to keep a pregnancy, he's suddenly pro-abortion and it's WWIII again. He wasn't joking - it sounds like he simply wants to call the shots. Chances are that, no matter what you do, you'll have issues in the future with this man unelss he's the one making all the decisions and telling you what to do.
I say keep the baby, lose the man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): He has his viewpoints. But it isn't his decision in the end. You take into account his opinion when making yours, but not be a slave to it.If you want to have the child, then have the child. If none of you really wanted it you'd have taken precautions, but you didn't.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (14 September 2011):
 First, you should think about yourself. Do you have a genuine interest in keeping this baby or do you think that it would've been better to wait and you don't want it? Make up your mind about this and then discuss it with your husband. Your husband has no right to manipulate you like this just because he may have changed his mind. He needs to stand by his initial desires and decision to have a child. If you want this kid, then have him and raise him. But if you don't, then adopt or abort because your husband isn't supporting you and giving you the love you need, and if he can't do that for you, it will be hard for him to do the same with the child. I hope this helps, and next time, be sure to use all forms of protection so that this situation doesn't happen again. Or if he actually says the same thing a few years later, then make sure he really proves himself to you and let him know that you won't be giving up a child because of his immaturity.
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A
female
reader, supernanny  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 IS HE MADDDDDDDDD!! he's clearly got something wrong with him if he thinks that making a joke about bringing a child into this world is something to joke about.! Also DON'T consider aborting your child just because of what he says! It shouldn't be just about what he wants, in a healthy relationship it is a decision between the two of you, and its so wrong of him to start acting like everythings normal again once you've told him your considering adoption.I think that you both need to sit down and have a rational talk about things, I know this may sound extreme but you need to make him realize how you feel and what you want to happen, and if he doesn't like that then tough... he can't just ignore what you want! If i were you I would also feel manipulated, but please please don't consider aborting it just to make him happy :( If I were in your situation I would probably do exactly what I've mentioned about sitting down and talking, however if he wasn't prepared to listen to what I've got to say then I'd make sure that he's dumped!! It's no way fair for him to put all of this on you, and think about it, it seems that he wouldn't tolerate it if you were to do it to him!, so why is he so important? he needs to man-up and accept his responsibility as the father of your child!!
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (13 September 2011):
 You guys don't sound like you're married. A married couple is supposed to be a team. You don't just announce to your husband that you're pregnant and keeping it, or not keeping it; you decide together. What to do in the event of a pregnancy is something you should have discussed with your husband before you two were ever married. And by the time you were married, you should have had some kind of a 'child plan.' Something like: let's start thinking about having children 5 years down the road and for now we will use birth control. Were you even on birth control? Obviously you can't control everything and accidents happen, but if you're announcing to your husband that you're keeping the baby, without even asking him, and his response that he doesn't want another child is a total shock to you, something is very wrong! You guys are not acting like a team; you're acting like selfish individual units. As you both have children from previous relationships it's not hard to guess that you took your bad habits from your failed relationships right into this marriage.
Take your marriage seriously; you're not dating anymore! What do you think a marriage is about, just the big, exciting wedding? It's about being a team!
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