A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:dear friends,I am a married woman who has spent 21 years of married life.our relationship was nice till recently. Recently when i had gone out with my children and returned home a bit early than my husband expected. My husband was alone at home.On the previous day we had intercourse too.Infact he was happy with me. but when i came home i was really astonished to see him with the maid.when i ringed the door bell .he opened it and i asked who is inside he became pale and said no one.the maid was standing at the back yard door. the back door of the house was kept opened.i even saw our bed spread was removed and a wet spot was found.i slapped him and he denied that he did nothing but masturbation on the bed.but when i questioned the maid ,she told that she had come just the and was asking about me with my husband. To my surprise when i questioned again and again my husband told that he did not have satisfied sex life with me on the previous night and confessed that he became mad and even called the maid's house to speak to her. but when he called the maid her husband took the phone and he felt embarrased to call her and said sorry for wrongly dialling the number.the maid tells she simply came to visit another landlord's house who is our neighbour and on the way visited us.My husband denies having sex with her .he told that by the time the maid came he had already masturbated and did not desire to have sex.How can i believe this tale?What can i do ow?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers.I have no arguments or quarells at home with my hubby now.Sometimes i get bad thoughts when i remember that day.Even the maid is thrown out. that day I asked my hub to burn that bed and he burnt that bed immediately.Now my hubby shows more love towards me.he says he wants me forever and can't live without me.he is repenting for his past actions.Sometimes i am getting confused. when I told him i can't forget that incident he suggests me to go for counselling together.He doesn't like me to ask about that incident and says that he told everything to me and nothing is there to disclose.He tells that he'll prove to be a good man and will never try to cheat me.I will keep an eye on him and try to forget the past.but i know its difficult.Will counselling help?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): hi, did you also post today asking about male mastubation on the bed? if it was you, then your doubts about your hb is persisting. maybe you should get a close family member to talk to him. confide in themand tell them about your infection. i do not think your hb will tell you the truth no matter how much you probe. at least now you are aware that something is not right with him and your marriage. at east now you are not blissfully unaware that something is wrong. plse take care and look after your health. your hb needs to account for his actions. he has just been caught with his pants down ( so to speak). you have to get to the bottom of this. and don't let up until you get some proper answers. maybe if you feel violated to enter your bedroom either sleepin thee next room ( i normally don't advise moving rooms) or tell him to buy another bed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs i mentioned earlier i asked my hubby to go for HIV and VDR tests .He got it done and its nagative.But my problem is never ending now i got my urine analysis done and it says i have mild infection.My hubby doesn't have urine infection.I am puzzled.In the last few years since 2003 i am getting Urinary tract infections once a year or twice.Could it be due to my hubby's sexual contact with other women?I am still not comfortable with my hubby's that day's incident. I get terriblly upset when i enter my bed room.My hubby says he 'll not live alone at home as he gets bad thoughts.I don't know how to free myself.Should we consult Psychologist?Can my hubby be hypnotised to tell the truth?i can't live unless i know the truth.Can someone help me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for all those who replied and given their opinion.I also welcome your guidance and suggestions regarding how to keep an eye on my hub.there will be no chance for me to leave him alone at home as i have decided to stay at home and when i leave the house and my hub is not willing to stay alone at home and says tht i should come home when he'll be back from his work's place.He is ready to take me out at his free time.God knows what is there in store for me in future!Hope my hub will not cheat me again.I have a deep wound in my heart now which may not heal so easily.But I am trying to live happily now and observe him carefully.If he is not changed he'll be caught soon i think. Why should i suffer like for his sin.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am thankful to those who answered for my questions.Now i would like to add some more information regarding this incident.I told my hub to leave me and satisfy himself with anyone.I am ready to stay alone with my children but he tells its impossible for him to leave me and and he will not not do anything that hurts me and will be trustworthy hereafterwards.He is asking me to check his behaviour.He is begging me to give another chance to correct himself.Iwanted the truth and so I asked him that i will call the maid's hub and findout when did he call and what did he tell him.He agreed and and i called the maid's number.The maid took the phone and I asked her whether my hub had called this number on that day when she had come to my house.She said no but i asked her to give the phone to her hub and that man told he got my husband's call on one sunday and he apologised for his wrong call.then i told tht man that his wife had visited my house that day and i have doubt that my hub might have called her for work.he said no,he didnot call his wife.I am really getting confused about the coincidence.The maid was our regular maid when my children were too young.Now she used to come only on call whenever i needed domestic help.She is not very poor and works in another estate and earning well.i told her not to come for my house for any reasons and settled the matter.
i have decided to give my hub one more chance and asked him to take all STD and hiv test and wait.if he is caught again i am sure i will send him out of the house and live alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Should i ask him go for STD and HIV tests? - yes please ask him. you need to just be certain.
He tells that this the first time he called the maid's telephone number - i am confused. why did he call the maids house. was it because he was sexually unsatisfied with you that he called the maid to have sex with him. then he calmed down and mastubated on your bed. by the time the maid arrived he had cum? and you found the bed unmade with wet spots.
i think you know that men (and women) generally do not admit cheating. they cry, lie through their teeth and deny even when they are caught with their pants down. i think this is what has happened here. how sure are you that he hasn't done this before? i know you want to beleive him but please look at this realistically. if you were found in a compromising position with a male worker how would your hb have reacted. he would have wanted to burn you alive, isn't it. this man is very convincing. of course your maid nad her hb would not say anything bad about your hb. they would not want to lose their jobs. you and your hb are their "masters" so yes they are bound by secrecy. plse do not be fooled by your hb's tears. we cry because we have committed a guilty act and by the evidence you found, your hb is guilty.
i think deep down in your heart you know what has transpired. you knew this the moment you stepped into your home and found your bed in a state of a mess. the evidence was there- he claims he mastubated before the maid arrived. strange, very strange.
your hb is very unsatisfied with your sex life right now and he was usibg the maid to pleasure him. this happens all the time. only this time. you caught him. yet he denies it. the decision is your whether to stay or not. i know you are not working. i think it is time you started becoming more independent and more strong willed. it is time you started "earning" some money and hiding it away for when/if you have to leave. in the western world we women also go through hell with our partners regarding infedility, we too want to believe our partners and want to work on the relationship. but we also make decisions - we eventually decide that it is better to be free of a cheating partner thaan to be humiliated by him again. it is very very hard but women have left cheating partners and have survived. they still have their pride and no matter how tough it gets. at least they are free.
i hope you are wise and make good decisions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI asked my husband to admit his mistake and he tells me that he did not touch that maid and swears.He likes me and and kids very much and doesn't want to leave me anymore itseems.He wept on my lap and said sorry for his behavior which made him guilty.He feels like dying if i question him often about this. He asks me to be happy with him and forget the bad time.Ours was a love marriage and he tells he loves me and does,nt cheat me.He even asks me to threaten the maid or her husband to tell the truth if i do not believe him.He tells that this the first time he called the maid's telephone number.He also tells that he doesn't want to stay alone at home if I doubt. He is ready to face anything and tells that he is pure.I am confused and not in a state to believe him or leave the house because i have 2 teenage daughters and my husband is showing concern for us.What should i decide? I am a home maker and not working woman.Can i give him another chance?How can I make him trustworthy after this incident? Will he be mine forever? Should i ask him go for STD and HIV tests?I am in a dilemma and often getting frustrated.looking forward good suggestions and guidance.Still I have not comeout of the shock and not in a position to decide anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): i know in "rural" countries men still consider having sex with their maids as their free rights. it means they can command it anytime/anyplace. it reminds one of the olden days. but your situation is not set in the past. it is definately the present and can be the future too.i think you know your hb has been doing it with the maid. he called and she abliged him. the fact that she is married makes it even worse. 2 marriages are in trouble here and both the maid and hb are lying about the non sex. you wouldn't be able to tell for how long the maid has been indulging with your hb would you. if she has been in your employ for a while i think you can be certain that it has been going on for a while. the fact that you caught them, what happens now. i would say fire the maid, but then is it only her fault. i think your hb expects sex from the hired help. so it doesn't matter who works for you, he will continue. the sad thing is that your hb is actually "raping" these(this) women. maybe she cannot refuse her master. i am sure she is poor and has to feed her kids. so what happens. your hb is lying, you know this. what can you do. i don't know how comfortable you are leaving home. your cultural customs , what are they. would it be frowned upon if you leave. i actually think he should be the one to leave your home. why? so that he can think about what he wants. you or just anyone to satisfy him. your hb will not change until you change. you then need to change your views on sex with him. i think he wants a whore/bitch in bed and maybe you are too conservative? what is sad is that traditional (?) men prefers their wives to be chaste/ pure but they want he good f*cking from other women. they also play the doting hb and father role so well in public.this maid's hb, if you told him then what. i think because of the caste system you may not want to involve him. is it a norm for the "master" to have sex with the "servant". i think your hb has perfected this master/ servant role and expects his sex from the maids. what is the norm in your village? do affluent men still take advantage of the poorer ones. or is your hb the only one. i find it strange that he was unsatisfied with your sex life and called up the maid to service him. you don't seem surprised by this. you need toTELL your hb that he is a liar. you may not know what to do, but you need him to be aware that you know his shit. (what he has been getting up to with the maid). sadly he will continue. just because he can. ( i hope you have a handsome single brother in law who can satisfy you, while your hb is occupied with the daily help.)
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